Bored Mommy

Singer/Songwriter

2010-07-27T20:59:00.002-05:00

J loves to sing. He loves to sing mostly songs of his own creation. He will only sing when he thinks no one is listening. Almost every time, I forget the lyrics before I could even think of writing them down. However, Doug just passed along this chorus he overheard just now. Randy Travis, call your agent. We've got your next hit.

I love you.
I care for you
But I just can't take up with you right now.
No, no.

I'm a failure

2010-02-12T20:08:00.002-06:00

So many times while raising an overly-intelligent son, I feel like a failure. Recently my husband and I were both laid off from our jobs due to a failing company in a failing economy. We had to sit J down to have a talk with him about spending, saving, and selling the only home in which he has lived. This is never a conversation a parent wants to have with their child and I wasn't sure how much of it he really got. Apparently more than I thought.

Earlier this week, J received a Valentine's card from one of his grandmothers. He tore the card open and read every word (a new skill he enjoys showing off). When he saw a ten dollar bill in the card, he handed it to Doug and said, "I'm going to give this to you to help with bills." I got tears in my eyes. Big, alligator ones. Obviously we let him keep his "Target money" (a term we've applied to "mad" money as that is his favorite store).

Later in the week, J's teacher stopped Doug at drop-off to tell him of another kind gesture of generosity from our little man. Apparently Arthur (of kiddie-book fame) is visiting J's school. If the kids buy a book, they can meet Arthur. J informed the teacher that he wouldn't be able to buy a book because "we need to save our money for things like food." She said that he was very matter-of-fact when informing her of this and not at all upset by it. Again, water welling up here.

At first blush, I felt like such a failure. I feel some days like I am failing him by not providing him with everything his heart desires. Then I realized I haven't failed him at all. He has so much that he doesn't mind at all being generous with everything he has. He is being taught real life lessons - that life doesn't always follow the plans we set aside. Life isn't fair a great deal of the time. Hard work doesn't always pay off. However, we keep trying and we pull together as a family - all contributing what we can in whatever ways we can. That makes me feel like anything but a failure.

Parenting is anything but easy. There are so many times I feel like a failure but I know that J learns more from how I react to crisis than to what I view as the actual crisis. His view of us being laid off is that we are home with him every day. We can play with him in the afternoons. He doesn't have to attend before and after school care for the first time since he was nine weeks old. He thinks this is the greatest time we've ever had together. I like his take on things!

I've come to realize...

2009-08-21T16:31:00.001-05:00

I filled this out on Facebook but thought it was worth saving to use some of the questions in my About Me scrapbook.

1. I've come to realize that my job...
doesn’t define me. I’m glad for days I enjoy what I’m doing and endure the days I don’t because it is simply a means to an end at this point in my life. I’ll never make a lot of money and I won’t cure cancer. But, I’ll do the best I can each day to provide for my family.

2. I've come to realize that my TV...
is my one true vice. I admit I love it and watch way too much of it.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving....
people really piss me off. I’d like to have a paint gun attached to my car to tag bad drivers.

4. I've come to realize that I need....
some time to myself. The only child in me comes out from time to time and being a mom, wife, daughter, employee, friend, etc. all combined is sometimes more than I can give. I need a few minutes to regroup and find myself again so I am better at the things I need to do.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
my memory.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
people won’t just do what I want them to. Damn free will!

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
I don’t have any more fun than when I’m sober. I enjoy things differently now that I’m older.

8. I've come to realize that my money...
is never going to be my own. I’ve given up on the idea of money in the bank and expensive things around the house. I just try to get by month to month and give my son everything he needs to be successful – good school and that sort of thing.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
are not worth my time, attention, and worry. I’ve realized that life is too short to spend time with people who don’t add value to my life in many ways.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always....
be close to my family and a few select friends. They are a big part of what makes my life worthwhile.

11. I've come to realize that my sister/brother...
are the friends I’ve made who will be with me always. Though I don’t have biological brothers or sisters, I have the family I’ve chosen to surround myself with and I am so blessed to call them my brothers and sisters.

12. I’ve come to realize that my butt….
will always be big. I have embraced this reality and realize that no amount of dieting, exercise, yoga, Zumba, or anything else is going to change it significantly. “I like Big Butts and I can not lie.”

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is quite possibly the most annoying thing I own. I hate talking on the phone and texts are expensive. Were it not for the fear of getting stranded on the side of a road somewhere, I’d likely throw it in the garbage.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
there is no sound in the world as awful as an alarm clock too early in the morning.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
I had stayed up way too late and would pay for it this morning.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking....
I have so much to be thankful for in my life that the minor complaints are not even worth mentioning.

17. I've come to realize that my dad....
is a great role model and I wish everyone had half as good a dad as I do.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
I’ve lost touch with too many people in the past who I wish I had kept up with better all along.

19. I've come to realize that today...
is the beginning of MY weekend. Work might get me from 8am on Monday until 5pm on Friday but the weekends are all mine.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
I need to get some things done so I can enjoy the rest of my weekend.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
will be great because I’ll get to spend it with family and friends. It’s hard to beat that!

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
have as much time with Joel as I can before he grows up and doesn’t have as much time for me.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is....
bored like me.

24. I've come to realize that life...
is what you make of it.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
will be too short like all the rest.

26. I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I am upset...
is anything “fun” from 80s rock to Broadway musicals. Something that makes me smile instead of wallow in my own misery. I’m not good at “emo” and have little patience for people who are.

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
are unique individuals and I have to remember that, just like me, they have faults that make me irritated and traits that make me so lucky to call them friend.

28. I've come to realize that this year...
is fleeting – just like all the rest. I should enjoy the days as they come.

29. I've come to realize that my exes…
all taught me something and helped shape who I am today even if I don’t like to admit it.

30. I've come to realize maybe I should...
listen when Doug tells me “sometimes good enough is good enough.”

31. I've come to realize I love...
being a mom.

32. I've come to realize my past....
is what it is. Mistakes? Sure. Regrets? None.

33. I've come to realize that parties...
are good reasons to travel great distances to see people I wish I could see a lot more often.

34. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
of not being a good mom.

35. I've come to realize that my family...
is so important to me and I don’t know where or who I’d be without them.

36. I've come to realize that my life...
is pretty great and I couldn’t begin to count all of my blessings.

Cute J Comments

2009-06-23T12:13:00.003-05:00

J is on vacation with my parents this week but I've been thinking back to a few of the cute things he said last week before he left.

Each morning, J and I get in the van and wait for Doug to get his stuff and lock up the house. Usually we are in the car for only a few minutes but sometimes it get up to five minutes or more that we are waiting. Every morning J tells me to "leave Daddy." I'll put the van in reverse and back up a foot or so and he'll laugh. One morning, Doug and I needed to drive separate cars. J and I got in the car and I was adjusting the radio and opening my soda and whatnot when J said, "Leave Daddy!" I said, "Okay!" and started backing out of the driveway. J hollered, "No, no!! I didn't mean it. I don't really want to leave Daddy." It took me five minutes to convince him we weren't really leaving Daddy.

On another morning while waiting for Doug J said, "Mommy, I already look like I'm six 'cause I'm big. I really should be six by now for as long as I've been growing."

My mom called last night and was telling me some things he's said to her already this week. My favorite was, "Why is it so hard to listen?" How true.

A Trip to the Movies

2009-05-21T09:05:00.004-05:00

I should start by saying that J has a very active imagination. He is also a very good story-teller. I don't mean he is good at lying because he isn't. When he attempts to lie about anything important, there are lots of "uhhhs" and "well...." He is typically the first to tell on himself when he's done something wrong because he doesn't even like to lie (most of the time). However, when he is spinning a yarn, he is a master. Additionally, he has a new imaginary friend who is the topic of many of these tales lately. His friend's name is Jason Cross. Jason can see and hear through doors and walls. Jason, although only 5-years old, knows how to drive a car. Jason, when the situation calls for it, can become invisible.

This morning J and I were sitting in the car waiting for Doug to lock up the house (a process that sometimes takes quite a while as he is very particular in this routine). So, J starts telling me that he has seen Sandlot (one of his new favorite movies though the movie was released straight to DVD in 2007) in a theater. I told him he hadn't but the conversation proceeded like this:

J: Yes, I have! The movie was in 3D too - not like the DVD. I went one day when you thought I was in school.
Me: Really? How did you get there?
J: Jason Cross drove us. He can drive, you know?
Me: Yes, I remember. So, when did you go?
J: Well, the movie started at 6:30 in the morning so we had to leave early.
(Side note - J is just rolling out of bed at 6:30 each morning but I didn't point this out.)
Me: Where did you get money to go to the movies?
J: We had some dollars so we used that to buy 15 popcorn.
(Much later in the discussion it was revealed that this was not, in fact, 15 boxes of popcorn but just 15 kernels of popcorn.)
Me: Okay. That's a lot of popcorn.
J: Yeah. Anyway, then we used gift cards to pay and we used tickets to get into the movie. We had to use credit cards to leave the movie.
Me: Sounds like you really thought this out ahead of time. So, you have to pay to leave the movie as well?
J: Yeah.
Me: So, who all went to the movie?
J: Well, Jason Cross. Me, of course. (laughs) Okay, now I'm not making this up but one of my friends who went is named Timber.
Me: Okay. Timber. I don't know him.
J: No. And then Limetonian but we call him just "Tony."
(Again, later in the conversation, J said that his name was not Limetonian and that I made that up. He also said it was mean of me to make up a name to call someone. Okay!)
Me: Limetonian? That's an unusual name.
J: Yeah. That's why we call him Tony. And D.P. Oh! And Rocky went too.
Me: That was quite a crowd. Did you all go in one car?
J: Yes, but it was a special car.

This conversation continued but started to unravel a bit. I love that J has such a vivid imagination. I suspect with the characters he enjoys creating, he will enjoy writing one day. In the meantime, I'll record some of his characters and tales so I can embarrass him with them some day.

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

2009-05-20T10:25:00.003-05:00

I was thinking recently about all the jobs I've had over the years. What do these actually qualify me to do in the real world? Have I found any sort of expertise in holding down these jobs? Am I a better (or worse) person for these experiences? I love to make lists so here is another that is interesting to me.

All the jobs I've had to this point in my life:

babysitter (in high school I did this Monday through Friday year round - during the school year from 3:30 to 6pm and in the summer from 7am to 8pm)
piano teacher
paid and unpaid church nursery worker
retail store associate, cashier, and customer service rep
waitress
bartender
on-air DJ & production for a crappy little FM station
Avon Lady
undergrad research assistant
graduate assistant
college adjunct instructor
housekeeper/personal chef
temp (administrative)
promotional sales rep
promotional sales coordinator/buyer
manager of consumer research
marketing research analyst
Creative Memories consultant
office manager
field supervisor
greeting card display merchandiser
content management specialist

And the most important jobs I've had (and make no mistake, sometimes they can be real work), wife and mother. Mostly I feel like I've been a Jack of All Trades and Master of None. I wonder what my next opportunity will hold for me.

Expectations

2009-05-06T13:40:00.004-05:00

There are many times I don't feel like a very good mother. Sometimes there are many times in a day or hour when I feel this way. Occasionally it is something "big" while most of the time it is a collection of things that, on their own, seem so inconsequential but which continuously pile up in the corners of my mind.

Last night was J's t-ball game. It was our night to provide snacks for the team after the game. I completely forgot to check the team calendar and make note of this small fact. If I had thought of it even up to 30 minutes into the game, one of us could have run to the store to grab some snacks and drinks. However, it was 5 minutes before the end of the game when someone asked, "Who brought snacks?" Immediately I knew it was probably supposed to be us when no one said anything. I apologized and no one seemed to really care but, as is my way, I mentally beat myself up about it for hours after the fact.

After we got home and J was fed, bathed, and had a few stories read to him, he asked me to be an Explorer with him. After investigating the "woods" in his room and the "forest" in the living room, "camping out" under a blanket "tent," and killing a bear with a single well-placed shot from a Nerf gun, we settled down on the sofa to watch a little Frog and Toad before bed.
I was still upset with myself for forgetting the snacks even though I knew it really didn't matter much. J, on the other hand, had long forgotten my Mommy Faux Pas. Without any prompting, he crawled up next to me, put his arms around me, and said, "Mommy, you are the bestest Mommy anyone ever had in the whole world. I'm so glad to have you here with me always. I love you." And with that, he put his precious little head down on my chest.

If that isn't a way to snap anyone out of self pity mode, I don't know what would do it. I realized in that moment that what J needs from me isn't snacks at t-ball or new toys or trips to Disney World or any of the other things I want him to have but can't always give him. All he wants is my time, attention, and love. While I'm distracted and worrying, he thrives on a few minutes of make-believe, stories, and devotion.

I love my dear little one with all my heart. I love him more than I ever could have dreamed possible before he came into my world. I often feel that I'm not a good Mom... or maybe just not as good a Mom as I should be or want to be. However, some days I need to worry less about what I think I should be doing and just concentrate on what he really needs and wants from me. My expectations should be measured against his. If it is love he needs, I know he'll always have that in abundance.

Funny Things

2009-04-10T16:55:00.004-05:00

J made a funny somewhat-metaphysical observation last night that is still making me laugh.

"If the world was a cup and heaven was a straw, would God be in the straw?"

Then this morning, Doug made an equally funny comment when he saw a guy wearing flip flops (a personal pet peeve of his).

"If I see a guy wearing flip flops, I have to wonder if he even has on clean underwear." He went on to explain that if the guy can't even be bothered to put on shoes, he probably can't be bothered to do any basic personal hygiene either. The comment alone was priceless though.

Good stuff to start my weekend off right!

Progress Report

2009-02-20T13:18:00.004-06:00

New Year's Resolutions - February Update

Has it really been almost two months since New Year's presented us with our fresh start and compulsion to be resolute? Well, here is my progress:

1. Establish a better exercise routine. I enrolled J in swim lessons at the gym which has had the added benefit of forcing me to go to the gym some nights when I would have otherwise blown it off. I've tried to go a minimum of twice a week. Three times would be better.

2. Get the house ready to sell. Well on my way here. With the help of two outstanding friends, I got the kitchen/dining area, entrance way, and master bedroom painted. To get ready for that undertaking, I emptied everything out of those rooms and have tried very hard to not put everything back. I started three boxes in the garage for consignment sale and Veterans donations and have thrown away untold numbers of garbage cans full of stuff. The cleansing (both of the actual stuff and letting go of the mess mentally) has been therapeutic for me. And my house looks really good (for the most part). I do have a guest room piled up with stuff still needing to be sorted. That is next week's evening project.

3. Pay down our debt as much as possible. Always continuing with this struggle. I get so discouraged thinking we will never be financially secure. I so wish for money in the bank. But, I know to just keep plugging away.

4. Spend more time on my hobbies without feeling guilty. I spent a whole evening rearranging and straightening my scrapbook area. I went to see our babysitter in a play at her school. I'm trying to carve out a tiny bit of time to focus on me. With laundry and decluttering and shuttling J around, it is hard but I see the extreme importance in making time for just me.

5. Have at least 2 nights per week and at least one weekend day per month when I do something with J - just the two of us. Check.

6. Have at least one date night per month with Doug. Check. We are actually heading out on vacation for the weekend today. I've also put in a request for our babysitter for a movie weekend Doug is looking forward to. Even with money woes and job security issues and bills piled high on the kitchen counter, I know that getting away from it all and having time alone is just as important as those negatives. And, a mini escape is a lot cheaper than therapy!

7. Pursue new hobbies. With my home decorating and cleaning projects over the last month I haven't started this at all. Mark a star by this one and see what I can do! I have checked out a lot of library books on various new things to try. Does that count?

8. Try to make more of my gifts I give. Again, I've been reading a lot of library books and online how-tos. I'll get to this! My friend Tina and I have already started trying to pin down our first get-together date to get started.

What a Wonderful Life

2009-02-19T10:45:00.002-06:00

I think a lot about things I want to do and things I haven’t (yet) done. However, my son’s thankful spirit this week made me turn to look at the past and things I am thankful I have done or been exposed to or things I’ve seen. This is by no means an all-inclusive list but just the first few things that popped into my head today. Some are big things that have affected my life, others are luxuries I’m glad I got to experience at least once, and some are in between somewhere.

Marrying Doug. I never believed in love at first sight or falling in love only once or even soul mates when I was younger. However, I did find my soul mate in Doug. He “gets” me and he puts up with me and he encourages me and, when no one else in the world can, he makes me think and appreciate and laugh. He loves me despite all the reasons he shouldn’t and he supports me even when he might not agree with me. He is the best decision I’ve ever made.
Having a baby. I am so blessed to have the wonderful son that I do. He is smart and loving and difficult and stubborn and I love him more than I ever thought was possible.
Buying a home. Just the experience of buying a home is a valuable learning experience but then add to that the maintenance and upkeep and financing and this becomes something that I’m glad I’m able to do. I love having a place that is all my own – an oasis from the rest of the world.
Visiting another country. I’ve only been to two other countries but both experiences were great!
Going on a cruise. I love traveling this way and, even though my finances don’t allow it, I still look back with great fondness on this vacation.
Staying at luxury hotels. Again, my finances don’t allow this but I’m thankful to have stayed at the historic Hotel Monteleone in New Orleans and at the Four Seasons in Vancouver.
Talking with a senator and a congressman in their offices in Washington, D.C. It is nice to be told you have a voice and that there are people to listen at a young age. I met with these people when I was a junior and again when I was a senior in high school on two separate educational trips.
Getting a good education. My parents did everything they could to provide me with the best possible foundation and I am so grateful for that.
Traveling. My mom told me one time when I was about 13 that I had already been more places by that age than she had been in her whole life. That luxury was never lost on me. When I was growing up, I would stay with my grandparents for two weeks every summer and they would often take me places. Additionally, my parents would take us on a vacation every year – even if just a very small one. I traveled out of the country for the first time when I was a senior in high school and I appreciated that opportunity and realized, even then, that I was being granted opportunities that many people never get in their entire lives. I love to travel and always have.
Having a good relationship with my family. We have our ups and downs like any family but I’ve always known that no matter what, my family would love me and support me. That makes even the toughest times easier to bear.

It takes so little to make us happy sometimes

2009-02-19T09:58:00.001-06:00

I am not a morning person. I know lots of people say this but I’m not sure how many people truly mean it the way I do. I really hate to not only get up in the morning but I hate to be awakened in the morning. If I am allowed 20 or 30 minutes to ease into the day, I can make adjustments. However, if someone wakes me up or the alarm rings and I have to jump straight up out of the bed, it literally starts my day off in a very bad way. Unfortunately, my son inherited this gene from me. This morning I was trying to wake J up earlier than usual. He squinted his eyes against the light and gave me a sour look. He turned over to go back to sleep. When I tried to wake him again, he rolled over, looked at me, and in a surprisingly sweet voice said, “The bed is the perfect place that I need to be right now.” He then rolled over and went back to sleep as if that pronouncement should end all discussion. This morning I agreed to let that be the case and he got a few extra minutes of sleep.

The other precious quote of his that I wanted to record today was from last night. I was supervising J getting ready for bed and he walked over to his hamper to drop his clothes in. He looked down into the empty hamper then looked over at me and said, “Mommy, you washed all of my clothes. Thank you! I want to give you a hug.” He ran over and gave me a big hug and kiss and thanked me again. I almost got choked up. So many thankless tasks go into keeping a house running smoothly that we often forget to say thank you to those who take care of us. I know I was likely very guilty of forgetting to say thank you to my mom over the years. I am also guilty of forgetting to thank my hubby for the numerous things he does though I do try to let him know I appreciate all he does. However, this tiny recognition of my efforts brought a little joy into my heart last night. It is good to know that I am raising a son who is thoughtful and thankful and expressive and generous with his love.

New Year's Resolutions - 2009

2009-01-13T14:44:00.003-06:00

I won't go into a lot of detail about these now. I really just want to put them down on "paper" so I will be reminded of them frequently.

1. Establish a better exercise routine. I was actually doing pretty well with this last year until my favorite aerobics class at the gym was moved to an inconvenient time and I was left to make my own weight-lifting routine. I went some but it was intermittent and I need to do better this year.

2. Get the house ready to sell. As we look to the future and hope to move to Alabama in the next 18 months (job market allowing), I need to get some painting, organizing, cleaning, and throwing away done. I started with J's room and it has been mostly freed of old toys, clothes, and furniture. (Too bad all that stuff is now just piled up in my guest room.) But hey - J's room looks amazing and SO CLEAN! The next two rooms to tackle are my bedroom and the kitchen. It isn't pleasant but it must be done.

3. Pay down our debt as much as possible. With job security being unpredictable, I will continue to pay down our debt with any available extra money I can find. This isn't really a resolution, I guess, so much as an on-going venture. I sometimes yearn for the vacations and big screen TVs and even some smaller trinkets and treasures that I see all around me but know that the bulk of our money must go to grad school loans, mortgage payments, and private school tuition for J among other debt. It really only takes one look into little J's eyes to know why we work hard for the money that we can't even keep. We strive to make a better future for the apple of our eyes.

4. Spend more time on my hobbies without feeling guilty. I have a wonderful husband. I know lots of women say that but it is true. He will let me run off to pursue things I want to do at any time. The problem? I feel terribly guilty about it most of the time. Too much time away from home or too much money or J isn't good while I am away and I should have been there to help. Whatever the thought at the time - it is always the same outcome... Guilt. I am going to try this year to take some time just for me and not let guilt seep into my thoughts.

5. Have at least 2 nights per week and at least one weekend day per month when I do something with J - just the two of us. Whether it is sharing a meal at our local pizza joint and playing a few video games, taking in a movie, playing a board game, or visiting some of our favorites places like the Children's Museum, the Zoo, or the Botanic Gardens, I want to spend some time with J alone to bond with him before he decides he isn't interested in time alone with Mommy. Additionally, this gives Daddy some much-needed downtime and time with his friends - both good things as well.

6. Have at least one date night per month with Doug. It is very hard to carve out time alone with your spouse with a little one constantly under foot. However, while it is important to do things alone with J, it is equally important to have some adult time alone too. Even if it is just a couple of hours to go watch a movie while J is home with a sitter, it is nice to just get away sometimes. I've already planned a Date Weekend for February and arranged for all-weekend babysitting. It doesn't get any better than that!

7. Pursue new hobbies. Last year, some friends and we started a small film project. I would like to see this through with the final editing of our first short documentary this year. This will require a lot of work but it is nice to know that even as I approach 40, this old dog can still learn a few new tricks. I would also like to try some new craft projects and techniques over the next year.

8. Try to make more of my gifts I give. I love handmade gifts. These are the gifts that, I believe, truly express how much a person cares. Now, that isn't to say that everyone should make their gifts. There are lots of people who don't enjoy this sort of thing and this endeavor isn't for them. However, for me, there is nothing more personal I could give to someone than a gift I spent my time making specifically for that person. So, along with the cooperation and creative collaboration with a friend of mine, we are endeavoring to have a Homemade Christmas where a large part of the gifts we give are hand made. Now, if I can just find time to complete a quarter of the ideas we've come up with!

New Year's Resolutions - Review of 2008

2009-01-13T14:32:00.005-06:00

Well, in looking back, I didn't comment on my 2008 New Year's Resolutions past the 6 months mark. So, might as well review those before setting new ones.

1. Start getting up earlier in the morning (ugh) to allow time for exercise and to make J a healthy breakfast. I don't know why I set unrealistic goals for myself. I am not a morning person. I am not going to exercise in the morning because I feel awful every morning and I hate to exercise. Those are two things that shouldn't be combined. However, I saw the difference last year in how I felt when I was exercising and how I felt when I wasn't. So, this year I hope to do better. As for J's breakfast, I continue to buy healthy alternatives for him to encourage him starting his day with something healthy.

2. Paint at least one room in my house (my bedroom, the guest bathroom, and/or the guest room/playroom) and hire someone to paint my kitchen. Well, Joel's bathroom was the only room accomplished last year but we did complete his room this month (with a lot of help from our very dear and overly-generous friends). I'll continue with my efforts to get the whole house painted this year with a lot of help from those same wonderful friends who have already offered to help me paint my kitchen and master bedroom next month. God love 'em!

3. Make my front flowerbeds look presentable. Mostly thanks to my dad, my flower beds look pretty great. I'll need to do a little tending and replanting work this year to keep these looking good but the amount of work will be nothing compared to last year's now that the new brick edging has been installed to actually keep the dirt inside the bed and not floating down the sidewalk.

4. Lose some weight - any amount will do. This was my bust for last year. I lost about 5 pounds all year. I really shifted this resolution about half-way through the year to a focus more on fitness than on weight loss but, either way, I think I failed. I am hoping to be more dedicated to it this year.

5. Spend more time with my friends. Game night, anyone? We have spent a lot more time with friends over the last year than in years past and I've really enjoyed it. Whether it is strategy games, board games, or dinners with our friends here or costume, RockBand, and birthday parties with our out of town friends, it is always such a joy to spend time with them, laugh with them, share with them, and grow closer to them. We've also met some new people in the last year who have become good friends as well and that is always a blessing.

From the mouths of babes

2008-12-15T12:31:00.005-06:00

I often tease J that he is an 82 year old man in a 4 year old body. He complains of back aches to get out of going to school and claims he can barely stand up unassisted when I try to get him dressed. He also says things that no little man ought to say.
We were walking through the grocery store last Friday night when he put his hand on mine as I was pushing the grocery cart. "Mimi," he said in that sweet voice of his, "do you wish I was still a baby?" I paused a minute, considering the question. "Only occasionally," I said. "I do miss you cuddling with me every night." He thought for a moment then said, "You can cuddle with me whenever you want but time has a way of changing." He then got distracted by the vast choices in cereal and pursued a more important discussion on why I should buy some sugar-encrusted cereal instead of the one in my hand.
Another point of interest lately for me is his desire to call me "Mimi" instead of "Mommy." He started this one day after we were having a conversation about names that went something like this:

J: "Mommy, why did you name me J----?"
Me: "Well, my grandfather who meant a great deal to me AND your daddy's grandfather were both named J----. We thought it would be a good name and a strong name for you to live up to and would also honor those people we loved."
J: "I wish you had named me George."
Me: "Why?"
J: "Because I love my PaPa." (J's grandfather is named George.)
Me: "That would have been a good name as well. You are right about that."
J: "Can I call you any name I want like you called me any name you wanted?"
Me: "That depends." (I was leary at this point.)
J: "I want to call you Mimi because no one else calls their Mommy Mimi."

Seems reasonable enough. So, about a third of the time now, I am Mimi and the rest of the time I suspect he forgets and I am Mommy. It is actually quite adorable when he says it. I doubt it will last long but you never know.
It's funny to me how that little mind works. Things that just don't occur to me on a daily basis are issues of great import to him. I wish I could crawl into that little old soul and just see what's going on in that brain for an hour or two. I imagine it would go something like this with topics changing about every 6 seconds: Star Wars fight - I'm hungry - Want to watch Curious George - Can I have candy? - Why am I named what I am? - Ghostbusters! - I'm hungry - Would you please? Could you please? Please won't you be my neighbor? - Fruit Snacks! Where are they? - "Daddy!" - Where are my Batman figures I just got? - Where is my magic wand? - There's Daddy! - "Let's play Star Wars." - I want to be Peter Pan. - and on and on and on and.......

A Little Sponge

2008-11-11T15:30:00.003-06:00

I am often astounded at how fast kids learn. One minute they are bundled up in your arms, fresh from the hospital, and the next they are writing and reading. The time flies by too quickly and yet, it makes me swell with pride.
J has always been an enthusiastic learner and yet, now that he is learning to read and write, it seems he can't learn fast enough to quench his thirst for more. He truly is a sponge just absorbing everything around him. This weekend he wanted to "play a game" with me. The game consisted of him thinking of words, asking me how to spell them, and him writing them on a dry erase board. We did this for about an hour before I had to leave to go somewhere and had to promise him that Daddy would take over where I left off.
As he learns Spanish, sign language, and computers in conjunction with reading and writing in K4, it is no secret that he will be far more educated than his parents in no time at all. I fear the day when I am unable to help him with his homework because it is just beyond my capabilities. By starting computer classes at age 2 while I started at age 15, how far along will he be by the time he reaches age 15? Also, what of the kids who aren't in good schools and don't have the advantages that he does. Do they get completely left behind when it comes time to apply to colleges and get good jobs? By the time J graduates from high school, he will have 16 years of computer classes under his belt not to mention untold hours of educational computer programs at home (even if he calls them "games" also).
It is a changing world and I am thankful J has the resources available to him to compete when he gets older. I only hope that he can look back and remember all the fun stuff as well - even if the "fun stuff" to him involves spelling words on a dry erase board. At least I bought him a dry erase board with Batman on it.

100 Things To Do Before I Die - part 2

2008-09-22T14:29:00.004-05:00

Last year I posted my master list of things I want to do and places I want to see before I shuffle off this mortal coil. Recently I got to cross off one more item from this list and I enjoyed it so much, I hope to go again as often as possible in the future. The newly-completed goal is number 47 - raft on a level four rapid. Doug and I went to Chattanooga for a long weekend and ventured over to the Ocoee River for a morning of white water rafting. Doug was a little nervous having never been before but the rafting bug bit him and, by the time we reached the final rapid that morning, he was already talking about "our next rafting trip." I can't wait!! The rapid fire level four rapids were exciting and make me crave more of the same.

I've highlighted my newly accomplished goal and duplicated the entire list here as a reminder of what I want to choose next. After all, I still hope to complete a minimum of 15 of these before I turn 40. Now just two more to reach that goal (which makes me wish I had challenged myself to 20 before age 40!).

Original list from 2000:
1. Graduate from college (completed December 17, 1993)
2. Marry my Prince Charming (wedding date August 10, 1996)
3. Take an Alaskan cruise (dream vacation started August 11, 1996 - honeymoon!)
4. Buy a new home (contract signed to start construction on November 19, 1999)
5. Get all of my photos into scrapbooks (completed in August 2002 - I stayed caught up for three days until I started a new roll of film and haven't been caught up again since. The 17 rolls of film in Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon one month later certainly didn't help!)
6. Finish at least 20 scrapbooks (currently have 13 complete and 4 in process)
7. Pay off all bills and buy something fun
8. Lose 25 pounds (now I need to modify this to lose at least 40 pounds but 25 would be a start!)
9. See the Grand Canyon (completed September 2002)
10. Go to a weekend scrapbooking retreat or convention (first one was in May of 2001 and I've been to several since)
11. Have a child (My beautiful little J arrived on April 3, 2004)
12. See another Broadway show (saw my first one while in high school and saw the equivalent of one in London but am always up for another)
13. Adopt a puppy (This one would probably fall off my list now as I've seen the trouble they are for people who like to travel even for a weekend.)
14. Be a Stay at Home Mom (I would love this so much more now than I ever thought possible when I wrote this.)
15. Take Doug to the Smithsonian Museums (Although I've been 4 or 5 times, Doug hasn't been yet and I think that is a tragedy as much as he likes history and museums.)
16. See all 50 US states (29 down, 21 to go! Airports or just driving through don't count - I have to stay the night and/or see at least one "site.")
17. Buy a new car (not "previously owned" - I know this is extremely wasteful and frivolous but just once it would be nice to own a car that has never belonged to anyone else.)
18.Take a photography course
19. Learn to paint
20. See Mt. Rushmore
21. Visit a volcano
22. Ride in a hot air balloon
23. Visit Yellowstone National Park
24. Ride in a helicopter
25. Take a cooking course
26. Watch a sunset from Central Park (I've been to Central Park but would just like to stop the frantic sight-seeing and enjoy the sun setting over the city's impressive skyline.)
27. Have three months' salary in savings
28. Take a vacation with Doug, Mom, Dad, Sam, and Sandra (completed in September 2002 with our trip to Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon and again in May 2007 with J's first trip to Gulf Shores, AL to see the beach)
29. Visit Russia
30. See the Hollywood sign
31. Visit New England in the Fall
32. Celebrate 10 years of marriage (completed August 10, 2006)
33. Spend a whole week at a Bed and Breakfast (Doug and I spent a weekend at one years ago and it whet my appetite for sure.)
34. Ride a train through Europe
35. Smile and laugh more often (Someone asked me, "How will you document this one in a scrapbook." I have no idea but it is a wonderful goal to have each and every day.)
36. Snow ski
37. Visit Ireland
38. Go on another cruise (anywhere!)
39. Visit Vancouver again (Doug and I only had one night in Vancouver on our honeymoon and we really want to see more of it.)
40. Visit Germany (my dream vacation destination)
41. Own a piano
42. Celebrate 25 years of marriage (only 14 more to go!)
43. Celebrate 50 years of marriage (only 39 more to go!)
44. Retire while I am still young and healthy enough to travel and enjoy myself

Items added in 2005:
45. Ride the hills of San Francisco on a streetcar
46. Attend a TV show taping
47. Go white water rafting on a level 4 rapid (the most difficult one I've been on is a 3)
48. Meet someone famous
49. Go sailing (I went once on a little catamaran but neither me nor the other person aboard knew what we were doing and generally just fell off the thing a lot.)
50. Swim with the dolphins
51. Ride in a go cart
52. Go scuba diving or snorkeling
53. Visit a spa for a massage (Completed with Doug in Memphis in the Summer of 2006 and again at the Marriott in Florence, AL in August 2006.)
54. See the lights of Christmas in Manhattan
55. Go horse back riding (I haven't ridden a horse since I was a teenager.)
56. See the Great Pyramid in Giza, Egypt
57. See the Aurora Borealis
58. Ride on the Orient Express
59. Learn to dance
60. Learn to fire a gun (I haven't fired a gun since I was a kid at my grandfather's house.)
61. Learn a martial art
62. Go to Australia
63. Learn to knit (I tried this once already and failed miserably so I'll have to give it another go sometime.)
64. See the Great Wall of China
65. Take the Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg
66. Drive or ride on US 1 - the Pacific Coast Highway - in California
67. Get my kicks on Route 66 (While I've been on parts of Route 66, I would love to drive the length of it from Chicago to Los Angeles/Santa Monica.)
68. Enjoy every moment with J
69. Be serenaded by a Venetian gondolier (Unfortunately the gondolier in the Venetian casino in Las Vegas just didn't satisfy this desire.)
70. Ride a mule to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I traded a ride in a Cessna over the Grand Canyon for this the last time. I won't make that trade off next time.)
71. Gaze upon a magnificent waterfall. (I've seen several waterfalls but none that seem to qualify for this awe-inspiring goal. I guess I'll know the right one when I see it.)
72. Eat a hot dog at Nathan's original Coney Island location
73. Visit Seattle
74. Attend Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues
75. Visit the Art Institute of Chicago (completed September 2006 - our favorite place on our Chicago Anniversary trip)
76. Ride a mechanical bull
77. Stay in a teepee at the Wigwam Village in Cave City, KY

The beginnings of my list for 2010:
78. Shop Munich's Christkindlmarkt
79. See the Neuschwanstein Castle in Füssen
80. Go to Oktoberfest in Munich
81. Eat at Mrs. Wilkes' Boarding House in Savannah, GA
82. Stay at Gravetye Manor in Grinstead
83. Stay at the Kinloch Lodge on the Isle of Skye
84. Kiss the Blarney Stone
85. Drive the Grossglockner Road in Austria
86. Eat a chocolate at Mary Chocolatier in Brussels, Belgium - the premier shop for chocolate in the world
87. Travel the Romantic Road in Bavaria
88. Take Doug to the Sopporo Snow Festival and the Tsukiji Fish Market
89. Stay at Mackinac Island's Grand Hotel
90. See the trail one of my ancestors trekked - The Lewis and Clark Trail
91. Go to Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
92. See the Acropolis in Athens, Greece
93. Visit Santa's Village in Rovaniemi, Lapland, Finland

Edited to add number 94. Play paintball.

Advice to a Friend

2008-09-17T14:27:00.003-05:00

I had a friend email me this week asking for my "sage advice" on motherhood. I'm not sure I have any of that but I wrote back just the same. Following is most of what I sent to her. After I sent it I realized that there were several things in here that I want to remember about being a mom - the good and the bad - so I thought I'd put it here, slightly altered to remove names and protect the innocent. Some of it is in response to questions she posed or statements about herself but I think it all makes sense even out of context.

Hmmmm..... what to tell you so it is honest without scaring you.....
Just kidding.

My honest answer is that things will never be the same but that is okay. Not only okay but fabulous. I think everyone is different in how a pregnancy and the crazy hormones affect them. For me, I became terribly forgetful both during and after my pregnancy and this has never gone back to "normal." There is a reason I keep such an organized calendar with everything from doctors' appts to soccer practice to when my library books are due --- it is because I can barely remember how to dress myself sometimes, it seems. I also cry at the drop of a hat - something I don't at all know what to do with to this day because I never had that problem pre-J. But, what I have come to realize is that is okay.

Being a mommy to someone whose whole life is dependent on you is both the most terrifying and most fulfilling feeling I've ever had. It doesn't equate in any way to how you feel about any other aspect of your life. The way you love your husband or your father or your sibling or your friend will pale in comparison to the amount of love you will pour into this one tiny being. The attention you give those people will pale when compared to the attention this little one not only requires but what you want to give. It doesn’t mean you have less love for those people, just that this tiny person depends on you for every need in their life. I find myself dropping the housework on a dime to read a little boy a story because I know, at that moment, nothing matters to him more in this world than his mommy. The housework -- or whatever it is -- is so unimportant at that moment. There is a reason we finally had to break down and hire a housekeeper. My housework will never be more important to me than those 10 minutes of storytime for as long as J wants me to spend time with him (because I know it won't be like that forever). There will come a day when he not only doesn't beg me to be with him, he wouldn't dream of wanting me there.

Work is the same way. All of those things that you are stressing about at work... when you are on maternity leave, those become someone else's problems at least for the time you are away. You CAN NOT worry about that while adjusting to motherhood. There simply isn't enough of you to go around and your little one deserves and will demand your undivided attention. There is no planning around him - he will dictate things for a while. I had a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy and relatively easy delivery. I was still more tired in the first week than I have ever been in my entire life. The good news? It does get better and easier even as it changes.

Life with an infant, a creeper, a toddler, a preschooler, etc. is a daily-changing affair that requires your flexibility but also, I believe, your organization. You will rise to the challenge because you are driven to do so. You will become what you need to be because you, like me and many others, see there is no alternative for raising a happy, healthy, intelligent, productive member of society. Honestly, there are days you don't know what you are going to do or how you are going to get through it. There are days that you realize you not only don't have all the answers, you'd be thrilled to come up with one solid lead on any answer at all. Motherhood is tough. I think anyone who says it isn't is ignoring some vital part of their child's development. And, between you, me, and the other women out there, I think we have it a little harder than the men. I don't mean in the physical sense of carrying the child or breastfeeding or any of those things. For me, those parts were a sheer joy. I mean in the pure emotional attachment we have to our kids. There is something about carrying that child that makes you forever linked to him in a way that I don't think any man can fully comprehend. This may not be true but I believe it to be true. There is a reason we women are the ones who can sit up all night by our child's bed when they are sick despite not having slept in days when the guys have long-since drifted off to sleep unintentionally on the sofa. It is the most remarkable feeling on earth.

Now, I say that like it is always a good thing. It isn't. You will worry. You will lose sleep. There are nights I don't sleep at all for worrying. About money. About J's school. About his behavior. About ridiculous things like potty training. There is just a switch that comes on the moment you find out there is a child on its way that makes you realize you are the sole provider for this child forever. I am not discounting a father's role but I do believe that no matter what happens in our lives, it is our mothers we always turn to or want to turn to and I think that is doubly true for boys. They always have a soft spot for their moms (at least in normal, functional families).

As for making mistakes or missteps - just think of them as a fact of life. You are going to be pulled in lots of different directions and you will occasionally make mistakes. The more you open up to people and allow them to see what is going on with you and why, the more I've found people are willing to work with you. As you know, J struggled for about a year. Things have only in the past month and a half righted themselves. There were many, many days when I had to drop everything here at work to go pick him up. I worried there would be repercussions because I used all my sick and vacation days and had to start taking unpaid days. The surprise? More people understand family problems and maternal issues than you might believe. But, my view point is, if they don't understand, do I really want to work for people like that anyway? I do worry that my maternal obligations and choices might eventually effect my employment but that is a risk I have to take. My child will always come before my job just as I know yours will as well. We don't have it in us to be any other way and I think that is a good thing.

As for your health, just remember that you are no use to your child unless you are healthy. Put yourself first in taking care of yourself when at all possible. There will be times when you will not sleep for 2 or 3 days because of extenuating circumstances. There will be times you have to get out of bed when you don't feel good because your child needs you. However, when at all possible, take care of yourself as well. Most husbands will rise to the occasion just as mine has. They have something in them too that we probably can't relate to and can't understand. Paternal instinct gets overlooked and overshadowed by the maternal counterpart but I think it exists and in abundance. Allow him to make his own mistakes and find his own way to becoming the type of father he wants to be. Take it from a control freak, it is hard to step away sometimes - particularly when you don't agree with what they are doing. But, it is vitally important for them to go their own way. Let him. He will surprise, astound, and wow you.

The third trimester (if your pregnancy is anything like mine) will be the hardest. I wish I could sugar coat that but it seems to be the general consensus among all women I've known who have ever been pregnant. That's when my memory went. I had to lie down half way through the day on more than one occasion because I was simply too tired to go on without a 10 minute nap. I would get up, shower, then have to lie back down for 5 minutes because the sheer act of getting ready in the morning was exhausting and draining. My ankles disappeared entirely which, for someone working on their feet on concrete floors all day, presented their own problems. I was exhausted, bloated, emotional, and generally disorganized and, yet, you have to keep going. I worked until the day I went into labor. I don't recommend that. Take a few days, if you make it to your due date, prior to your date to rest. You will need it. That was my one regret about the entire process though I thought I still had time.

Routines, you ask? I vaguely remember what the concept of a firm routine looks like? I haven't actually experienced it in over 4 years. If there is one thing motherhood has taught me, it is flexibility. It is always good to have a plan but be sure you have at least two back up plans as well as a willingness to go off-plan altogether when all three of those initial plans don't work out. Whether it is the babysitter who calls because she got a better offer for what to do on a Friday night (though is at least smart enough to camouflage it as a sore throat) or a child projectile vomiting all over you in a crowded Olive Garden, you have to learn to be flexible and laugh at those little moments. Children crave routine so trying one is always good. Children also do whatever they can both willingly and knowingly and unknowingly to disrupt those routines. You just have to go with it. Life is too short to obsess about things like that.

You are right about one thing - motherhood's theme should be "suck it up" a great deal of the time. We, as mothers, must almost always put ourselves last in every equation for the peace and furtherance of our families. However, the payoff of that is that you have this wonderful, beautiful, smiling, joy of a child in your arms at the end of a long and trying day when you feel like nothing is going right and you will never be "first" again. It is true that one of my favorite things in the whole world is the feeling of a baby's breath on my neck as he sleeps peacefully and quietly in your arms. There is no feeling in all of this world like it and it can't be replicated with someone else's child. No matter how many children you've held in your lifetime, they can't hold a candle to the feeling you have the first time your baby falls asleep in your arms. And all of those other worries and trials and issues just melt away... even if only for a few minutes.

Every single day is a roller coaster ride. My best "sage advice" is to strap on your seat belt and get ready for the ride of your life. It is more than worth the price of admission!

Too Smart?

2008-07-25T10:30:00.001-05:00

We’ve had a lot of problems lately with J. For about fifteen days, we didn’t have a single good day at school. There were reports of biting, kicking, hitting students, hitting teachers, screaming, pulling curtains off the wall, throwing things, etc. This list went on and on. I had to leave work on several occasions to pick him up because they wouldn’t let him finish out the day. I was truly at my wits end. Then one tiny change was implemented. J was moved to a class with older kids. Now playing with K4 and K5 kids, we’ve had not a single bad report.

J has been an angel. We speculated over the reasons for the change. This morning, one of the teachers told me that she isn’t at all surprised at the change because he is so much smarter than the other kids his age. He gets frustrated trying to communicate with them. He sees them hitting and kicking and just follows suite because it is the only way to communicate with some of them. With the older kids, he feels the need to show them how “big” he is and he can communicate with them on their level. It is hard to grasp sometimes that intellect can be a downfall sometimes.

I am so thankful for a school that looks for solutions rather than just pointing out problems. I am so thankful for teachers willing to try and try again. I am so thankful for my little boy who is still learning every day how to act and how to treat his friends. I am thankful that he is that smart… even if it means it makes things so much harder sometimes.

The Baby Borrowers

2008-06-27T16:23:00.001-05:00

I am generally not a big fan of reality television. However, there is a new show on TV that I love. It is more of a social experiment, I believe, than most reality television can claim to be. Baby Borrowers takes five young couples, all between the ages of 18 and 20, who believe they are ready for married life, adulthood, and babies. The show gives them big, beautiful houses to live in - none of them having ever lived together before. They are given one day to settle into their new homes and enjoy the "married life" before the first package arrives. All the girls must don simulated pregnancy suits for the next 24 hours until their real babies arrive. One girl can't even bear the thought of the suit because it hurts and looks hideous. Already I was hooked on this show!

The next phase of the show brings 5 babies into the picture, each assigned to a different couple, all six to eleven months old. The real parents can watch the action and even intervene if necessary, like when one of the girls gives up feeding one of the babies and says, "Fine. Starve." and walks off. There are also trained nannies in each house for emergency situations only (choking or something like that).

The show is riveting so far and they are only in the first phase. Already every "mother" has broken down and they are only in Phase 1. One mother is upset because the baby likes the boyfriend more than her which SO mirrors real life that it isn't even funny. I can't tell you how many days J has refused to do ANYTHING for one of us but will do it immediately and without argument for the other one just because he likes the other one better that day. Phase 2, approximately 4 days after the baby arrives, replaces that baby with a toddler and the previews look awesome! As the parent of a toddler, I can't wait to see those shows! Phase 3 starts 3 days later when the toddler leaves and in walks several pre-teens and their pets. Phase 4 brings a teenager into the home and Phase 5 leaves them caring for an elderly adult, complete with health problems, pills to remember, wheelchairs, etc.

These kids who think they are so ready to grow up and have kids of their own are cracking under the pressure in just 24 hours. Why are kids these days so anxious to grow up? Why can they not just enjoy being teenagers, enjoy a life with fewer responsibilities?

I love my toddler more than life itself. I devote most of my time that I am not working to him in one way or another. I love spending time with him and I adore him. However, I am so glad I didn't have him straight out of high school or even college. I am even glad I didn't have him in my 20s. I am so thankful for the years that were just about me through most of college and the years that were just about me and my husband without a child in the picture after that.

Once you have a child, that commitment is for life. There will never be another day of your life when you won't be that child's parents - even when you are 90 years old. If you are lucky, that child will depend on you in one way or another forever - even if it is just looking to you for advice or for love or to be a grandparent or great-grandparent to their kids and their kids' kids.

Seeing these kids who want to have kids themselves makes me a little sad. I think this social experiment labeled as reality television is great. If it can persuade even just these 10 young people that they aren't ready, it will be worth its weight in gold. One of the guys even said he agreed to do the show to convince his girlfriend they aren't ready and comments often throughout the show, "My plan is working!" I hope the plan is working also!

New Year's Resolutions - 6 Month Update

2008-06-19T12:05:00.008-05:00

So, for many people, I'm sure their New Year's Resolutions are long-since forgotten by now. Not me. I rarely make a ton of resolutions but I want to follow-through on the ones I make.

Here they are once again along with the progress I’ve made. I'm pretty happy with where I am at this point.

1. Start getting up earlier in the morning (ugh) to allow time for exercise and to make J a healthy breakfast. As expected, I am not following through on this one. Doug and I were just discussing our morning routine today. It isn't working. As for the exercise, I've solved that in another way by joining a gym and have been going an average of 2 times a week (meaning sometimes I go 4 times and sometimes I don't go at all). This has been a hard habit to get started but I am still optimistic that I can make this lifestyle change for both me and Doug. We need to encourage and even guilt each other a little better into going. As for J's breakfast, I need to do better in helping with that one. I have been doing one thing better and that is buying almost exclusively healthy options for breakfast. That way, even if it is a grab-and-go breakfast, it is still a Special K bar or a Clif bar or raisins as opposed to something awful like sugar cereal. I've also cut down on the sugar cereals I buy for Doug because I know J will want them as well. Fortunately, J's favorite cereals are Raisin Bran Crunch, Kix, Frosted Mini Wheats, and Organic Clifford Crunch. While only the Clifford Cereal is sugar free, at least they are all better for him than what a lot of kids eat.

2. Paint at least one room in my house (my bedroom, the guest bathroom, and/or the guest room/playroom) and hire someone to paint my kitchen. As noted before, I took a day off and painted the guest bathroom which is also J's bathroom. I am really happy with how it turned out. J wanted a monkey-themed bathroom and I think it is adorable. I also bought sample paint to test the colors in the kitchen and master bedroom. Hopefully I can hire that job out later this year when the funds are more readily available.

3. Make my front flowerbeds look presentable. With some help from J (okay, maybe mostly him throwing dirt around while I worked) and some real hard work and help from my dad, my front flower bed looks awesome. There are new flowers throughout the bed. The old flowers have been trimmed. The hedges have been trimmed. One hedge was removed due to over-crowding. A beautiful brick edging was added to hold all of our brand new mulch in when it rains. All in all, I am extremely happy with this project. Now if I can just keep the flowers alive with no more rain than we've been having, I'll be really happy!

4. Lose some weight - any amount will do. I've only lost 5 pounds since joining the gym the last week in April but I've been really happy with the results the gym is producing just the same. The first night we met with our trainer, I thought I was going to die within the first 5 minutes on the elliptical. My heart was racing and I was out of breath. Within a few weeks, I could do that same elliptical, hold a conversation with him while on it, climb off, and be ready to tackle the next hurdle. While losing weight would be great, I've definitely shifted my focus to just feeling better and being healthier. If the weight loss comes with that then great. If not, I'm okay with that as well.

5. Spend more time with my friends. Game night, anyone? We just had 16 people come over for a weekend of games, RockBand, karaoke, and visiting. It was awesome and I'm looking forward to the next big weekend get-together in August with most of them. Additionally, we've got friends coming up this weekend for a kid-centered weekend at the Botanic Gardens and the Zoo and I've got a crop next weekend. I adore the time spent with our friends and look forward to many more good times with them. I do need to learn balance and I need to learn to say no sometimes. Our weekends have become so booked and backed up that there is never a single weekend to look forward to without plans. Never time to rest or just sit around and watch a movie at home. Next year's New Year's Resolution needs to perhaps involve a greatly reduced number of plans with friends and family. Ironic, isn't it - you always want things to be the way they aren't.

So, that's the update for now. All in all, not bad progress for the 6-month mark. My biggest goal for the remaining 6 months is to really hit the gym hard. I need it to be a priority in a way that it hasn't been. I need that lifestyle change so I will feel healthier. So I can be around for J for the next 50 years. So I can set a good example for J of healthy living, eating, and exercise. There is no greater gift to give a child than to just set a good example. I hope to do that.

Friends

2008-06-04T08:54:00.003-05:00

My parents are staying with us this week before taking J home with them for a week so 16 of our closest friends can spend the weekend with us. J is attending Vacation Bible School this week. One treat when my parents are in town for him is that my mom will pick him up an hour or so earlier than we typically do from after-school care. On Monday afternoon, my mom had the following conversation with J. I thought it was so sweet.

G: How was Vacation Bible School today?
J: Good. Will you go with me tomorrow?
G: Go with you to Bible School? I don't think they let grandmas go.
J: But the man on the stage said we needed more people.
G: I think he meant more kinds your age.
J: But he said to bring our friends.

I'm so thankful that J views his grandparents as friends. He has so much fun with them and looks up to them at the same time. They spoil him while still making him mind. I am very thankful for our parents and the positive influence they have on J's life. I hope he always knows how lucky he is to have them.

Dreaming

2008-05-19T16:38:00.003-05:00

It is funny to me how my dreams have changed over the years. I remember dreaming about fanciful things as a child. I remember waking up loving the dreams I just had and bursting to tell someone about them. I've always been very good at remembering my dreams - at least for a few minutes after I wake up - before they are erased by the craziness that is a morning at our house.
My dreams these days though typically fall into just a few categories. The most prevalent dream I have is some kind of automobile-related trauma. I'm either in a wreck or my car is being stolen or I'm being carjacked. Never a good dream about a vehicle. The second type of dream I have generally involves friends in unusual situations - we are all taking a trip together or we are all at an unusual place we wouldn't normally be. I don't typically have a lot of interaction in these dreams but I'm generally just watching events unfold. I'm sure that means something. The last kind of dream I have involves my husband and son and are usually just mundane things like grocery shopping or paying bills or having discussions. Money is typically an underlying factor in many of my dreams which seems about right to me.
I was struck the other day that I miss the fanciful dreams of my childhood. This dawned on me as J was telling me about the "great dreams" he had the night before. "First I dreamed I was Speed Racer. I was racing around and around and I was winning! Then I dreamed I saw Superman flying over our house except he kept dropping his boots. I didn't want his boot to fall on our house but I just kept watching him 'cause it was so cool!" Hmmm... perhaps tragedy enters our dreaming state even when we are children. Perhaps my car wreck is the equivalent of his Speed Racer taken to its logical end. Maybe my carjacking is his falling boot. Maybe things aren't so different after all. It's nice to think our kids have only wonderful, magical dreams. I hope that is true for J for a very long time... falling boots and all.

The First Step

2008-04-23T13:31:00.001-05:00

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” - Lao-tzu

My single step was walking into the gym last night and writing a check I can’t afford. I need to exercise. I need to feel healthier and have more energy. One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to exercise. A lot of people resolve to lose weight or to make drastic lifestyle changes. I know that is a naïve way to approach this. My goal is simply to add exercise into my weekly (if not daily) routine. However, this hasn’t been an easy goal to achieve.

As all of our friends love to point out, we are very busy. We spend a lot of time with out of town family and friends. We try to make time for activities for just us with J as often as possible. We attempt to pursue our own hobbies (even if it is not as often as we’d like). All of this leaves us with little to no “free time.” However, once you decide something is critically important, it is amazing where you can find little niches of time. Taking care of your health is obviously one of the most important things in life. To not make time for it is foolish and we are trying to rectify that now.

Earlier this year we made a commitment to start eating better. We’ve done pretty good by and large. We can still do better. We also made a commitment to exercise. We’ve not done as well in this area. So, after much deliberation and conversation, we joined the gym. My rationale is that if I am writing them a check each month, I will go. Additionally, they have a pool which J is extremely excited about so he will encourage us to go because he will want to be in the pool as often as possible. Once he turns five, they also have an athletic club for kids which will be good for him. I never want him to fall into the childhood obesity trap that so many kids these days find themselves in thanks, in large part, to convenience foods and high-sugar foods. We try so hard to limit his intake of these items but it is nearly impossible to regulate everything. So, the kids’ activities will become increasingly important as he gets older to keep him in shape and keep him healthy.

So, my journey of a thousand miles toward feeling better, living longer, and being healthier hopefully starts here. I look forward to the challenge and am trying to maintain a positive attitude despite my past experiences with exercise. This time it is going to be different!

Spring is in the air

2008-04-10T14:30:00.000-05:00

Every year I dread the arrival of spring. The yard needs to be mowed. The flowers need to be planted. My allergies go crazy. It starts to get hot. There really is nothing about spring and summer that I find particularly appealing.

I love cold weather and snow and “dreary” looking days. I love Christmas and Halloween and New Year’s Eve and all the fun they have to offer. Spring and summer really have nothing to offer in comparison.

However, I have a son who loves spring and summer. He loves that it is still daylight when I am trying to get him to start thinking about going to bed (he sees it as an excuse not to abide). He loves warm weather and playing outside. He loves swimming and running in the grass. For these reasons, I try to love spring. I try but I’ve just not quite made it there yet.

My Favorite Color

2008-03-20T09:26:00.000-05:00

During my life I’ve gone through several favorite colors as I’ve changed and grown and matured. I’ve loved red and black, silver and purple. However, for many years now I’ve settled on green as my favorite color. I like so many of the shades and love the feelings it invokes. It seems fitting to talk about this color this week since it is the National Color of Ireland. Happy St. Patty’s Day!

With Spring just around the corner, it is the color of life and the environment and invigoration. Green is usually associated with positive attributes like a green thumb or finding greener pastures. A green light gives you the go-ahead.

Green is a restful color. Is it the color of my birthstone – the beautiful emerald. It is the color of the best apples in the world – the Granny Smith. It is the color of a mint leaf, a Christmas tree, jade, rolling hills, and my eyes. It symbolizes hope, renewal, and peace. Green is said to be the color of harmony and balance.

If your favorite color is supposed to speak to you, I hope I can glean some of its hope, renewal, and peace for my life. I hope I can carry around the images it conjures to brighten my days.

Age is a State of Mind

2008-03-13T15:54:00.002-05:00

I was discussing people who are our age with Doug and how I am often astounded at people who are our age but look so much older. Not our friends but just people we encounter from time to time. I look at our group of friends and think we all look relatively equal in age. However, others our age surprise me sometimes when I find out "she's only a year older than me?!?"
I've never understood those women (or men, for that matter) who let their age define them. I didn't get overly exuberant when I reached 21. I didn't mourn when I passed 29. I'm not depressed at the idea of 40 "looming on the horizon" (as some might put it). I've also never understood the idea of cosmetic surgery or even the new processes like Botox. I know what drives these big money businesses - pure vanity. I'm just astounded at how many women are susceptible to such ideas.
I will say though, as I am starting to show signs of my age, that I am also amazed at women who do nothing to preserve their youth. I'm always a little surprised at women who wear no makeup - even though just a little lip gloss and powder would make them look ten years younger - or those who haven't figured out that liquid foundation actually highlights those little wrinkles around their eyes instead of camouflaging them.
I like to think I'm not terribly vain but I guess the fact that I won't go out to get the mail without my lipstick on means that I really am. The funny thing is - it isn't really about who will see me but about how I feel about myself. And the even funnier thing is that I feel better about myself, even with 40 looming on that horizon, than I can ever remember feeling. Even with those extra 60 pounds I found since college. It's funny how age can give us some perspective. Perhaps older is wiser!

A Little J Magic... or a Little White Lie

2008-03-11T08:26:00.004-05:00

J loves to do magic like his favorite character from The Wiggles, Greg. He wiggles his fingers in front of the television when I am starting a movie in the DVD player, says Wiggle Waggle, and calls that "A Little J Magic" when it starts. His favorite magic trick is to make things disappear. This requires some audience participation, somewhat unbeknownst to him. He holds up his Magic Sheet (any blanket, handkerchief, restaurant napkin, etc.), says the magic words (usually Wiggle Waggle or Abracadabra) and the object disappears (which really means someone in the "audience" hides it from his view when he pulls down the sheet). He's been doing this trick for some time now and was shocked when it worked the first time. He's still a little shocked when it works each time. He's made things disappear as small as a penny or a salt shaker all the way up to making me disappear. While J has caught on that we are involved, he still gets mad if he actually sees us moving the object. He'll say, "Don't do that. I'm going to make it disappear."
Last night we called him at his grandparents' to check on him. He was having fun playing with a box of "new" toys (toys that belonged to me when I was his age that mom and dad just got out of the attic for him). He then said he wanted to do some magic. Mom said he grabbed the closest Magic Sheet, ran into the living room (alone), and started screaming Wiggle Waggle! He did this several times before coming back to GranMa to announce that his magic wasn't working. We told him magic has to have an audience in order to work. Really, is there any harm in little lies when you are a kid? Doesn't it make things just a little more fun... and magical?

Take My Heart With You

2008-03-10T13:02:00.002-05:00

It is amazing how the smallest comment can carry you all through your day. How one little sentence can make any day brighter. J is going to his grandparents' house this week for Spring Break. I was telling him goodbye this morning with all that entails (be good, I love you, mind your Papa and GranMa, etc.). He grabbed me around the neck for a tight hug, gave me a big kiss, and said, "I'm gonna miss you, Mommy." as he nuzzled into my neck. That's all I needed to carry me through the week. I hope he always knows that when he is away from me, he carries my heart with him.

The Tomato Drill

2008-03-07T13:54:00.000-06:00

Sometimes J’s brain gets ahead of his mouth and causes him to get a little tongue tied or for the wrong words to come out. I have tried pointing out to him when he uses the wrong word but he will swear he used the correct one and will not waiver. This one was a conversation between J and my mom – GranMa.

J: At school we have tomato drills.
G: Tomato drills?!?
J: Yes, tomato drills. We have to get on the floor and sit like this (puts his hands on top of his head).
G: You do this when a tomato is coming?
J: (exasperated) No, GranMa! When a tornado is coming!

Ridiculous things I want to spend money on

2008-03-05T09:05:00.007-06:00

Everyone knows I'm cheap. I can't help it - just brought up that way, I guess. It is a habit I've cultivated over my entire lifetime. Doug says that he thinks if I won the lottery, I would still be frugal. This is likely true. However, occasionally I run across things that make me think, "now that I would blow money on if I had it to spare." I'm going to start a running list of things I'll purchase if I ever win the lottery (since I would actually have to have millions in the bank before I'd be this irresponsible).

This is the first of those things. ecreamery.com allows you to design your own ice cream flavors and then name your flavor and have it shipped to you. Since ice cream is one of my very favorite desserts, I can't imagine a better dessert than an ice cream containing exactly what I wanted. They have traditional flavors like chocolate and vanilla and even my favorite (dark raspberry) along with nontraditional flavors like anise, mango, ginger, and clove. Stir ins include traditional delights like dark chocolate alongside stranger additions like cheddar cheese and basil. So, when I finally get around to buying that lottery ticket that will, of course, be a winner, what kind of ice cream does everyone love?

The second thing I'd like to purchase in abundance is L'Occitane en Provence items. I currently indulge in their tinted lip balms (one of my all time favorite beauty products), their pure shea butter tin, and their solid Green Tea perfume. I received a Ruban d'Orange shower gel for Christmas and it is divine. However, when I have millions in the bank, I'd love to add some of their other delectable products to my toiletry case.

The third thing that I can think of right off is really good quality linens. I love having cloth napkins at the dinner table. Everything tastes better when served on a beautiful plate with a cloth napkin tucked under the corner - right? I also adore really good, quality sheets on the bed. I would love to be able to splurge on these items without thinking, "they want what for a set of Queen sheets?!?"

The final thing for today is Kinerase moisturizer. I've always been of the opinion that any facial moisturizer was just as good as the next one. Boy, was I ever wrong. I received a postcard from my favorite makeup store Sephora to take home a sample of Kinerase on them. The offer was followed by my favorite words on a postcard like this: No purchase necessary. So, the next time I was at the mall, I picked up my sample. I expected little of the sample, valued at $35. However, I was wrong! The lotion is light and airy and feels like a little bit of satin on your face. And, even more surprising, it actually does what it says it will do. It temporarily erases the smile lines and wrinkles around my lips, eyes, and forehead and has lessened their appearance overall. I've tried my best to use it sparingly to make the tiny little pot last as long as possible but I am almost to the bottom. At $117 for 2.8 oz, I won't be replacing it. Well, not until I win the lottery anyway.

As I think of additional items, I'll revise this post to include them.

The Joys of Cleanliness

2008-02-20T10:55:00.005-06:00

I've never been a great housekeeper though, in my younger days, before career and family, I kept a pretty good apartment. However, with the stresses of career, a child, a larger house, etc., it has just gotten to be more than I can keep a grasp on. So, we recently employed a housekeeper to come in once every other week for a few hours. I've thought about doing this several times before and could just never justify the expense in our already shoestring budget. However, as I walked into my newly cleaned house last night, I could kick myself for not doing it sooner.
Our house is now cleaner than it has been in years. It actually took my breath away when I walked in and saw how great it looked. She went above and beyond what I expected from "a few hours" and even left a note apologizing for "not finishing." I think I'm in love!
It was amazing to me what coming home to a clean house that I didn't have to clean myself did for my outlook last night. I was tired after a big weekend and a few days of work this week. My normal routine would be to go home and stress about the state of the house and try to get a few chores completed while watching J and then fall into bed too exhausted to sleep well. Instead, I cooked dinner in my sparkling kitchen, played with J for a few hours, then sat down on my clean sofa and watched television until I fell asleep. When I woke up, I went to bed and slept the sleep of the just, as my dad would say. It was pure bliss.
I know the house won't look as clean by this weekend (or maybe even tonight). There will be toys pulled out and left in the floor. There will be dirty dishes in the sink and clean ones on the counter needing to be put away. However, just for last night, it was so nice to walk around the house and admire it, to appreciate the joy of cleanliness.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T10:19:00.005-06:00

So many people complain about the commercialization of this "holiday." With the Valentine's Day cards going up at Hallmark the day after Christmas, it is easy to agree with that sentiment. However, I don't think it is such a bad thing to set aside a day when we make extra efforts to tell those around us that we love them and cherish them. Whether spouse, child, parents, family, or friends, it's never a bad thing to be reminded to tell them just one more time that you love them.
In honor of Valentine's Day, I've listed some great quotes about love. The first poem was from our wedding. I still think there is a lot of truth to it now, having been with Doug for 15 years this month.

The Art of Marriage by Wilferd A. Peterson

A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage
The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice,
but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

Other great quotes about love:
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. -Saint-Exupery
To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu
We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. -Agnes Repplier
We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. -W. Somerset Maugham
The course of true love never did run smooth. -William Shakespeare
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. -Lord Byron
Lord, grant that I might not seek to be loved as to love. -St. Francis of Assisi
They do not love that do not show their love. -William Shakespeare
"Pooh, if you lived to be one hundred and one days old," said Piglet; I want to live to be one hundred so I don't have to live one day without you." -A.A. Milne

In honor and in celebration of those I love. A heartfelt Happy Valentine's Day.

New Year’s Resolutions Update – End of January

2008-02-04T12:23:00.000-06:00

Okay, here they are again along with the progress I’ve made (or not).

1. Start getting up earlier in the morning (ugh) to allow time for exercise and to make J a healthy breakfast. I was getting up earlier to exercise at least five days a week. I was making J’s breakfast every morning and, I’m proud to announce, he was no longer eating a Special K bar or Clifford organic cereal every single morning. (Now he eats those only when he actually wants them.) However, I’ve been sick for the last week and slipped, relying on Doug to take care of J’s breakfast and doing no exercise. I will get back into both of these habits this week despite still not feeling well.

2. Paint at least one room in my house (my bedroom, the guest bathroom, and/or the guest room/playroom) and hire someone to paint my kitchen. I took off work one day and painted the guest bathroom. It took longer than I thought (including a second coat that I put on in the middle of the night a few days after the first) but it is done and looks pretty great. Perhaps I’ll hire someone to do the rest though as it took a whole precious vacation day of which I don’t have many.

3. Make my front flowerbeds look presentable. Clearly been too cold but I do have high hopes for this one when it warms up a tad.

4. Lose some weight - any amount will do. No weight lost yet but I have been exercising. I am hoping that just means I’m putting on muscle and not just staying stagnant.

5. Spend more time with my friends. Game night, anyone? We’ve got lots of plans with friends already on the books for the next several months. This resolution is really just to continue that and be sure we don’t get lazy about seeing our friends. Sometimes it is easier to just stay home on that rare occasion that there is a free weekend, which is fine, as long as it doesn’t get to be a habit. I love to be alone but I hate to go months without seeing anyone also.

That was awful... or was it?

2008-01-28T15:07:00.000-06:00

It is amazing how kids can change your outlook about a lot of things. I took J to see Alvin and the Chipmunks this weekend. It was truly awful, as I expected going into it. However, J has wanted to see this movie since he saw a preview for it about two months ago. Anytime he’d see a poster or an ad for it, he’d nearly burst with “I want to see that!” So, he paid his JBucks and off we went.

I found myself laughing at J laughing at the movie. Then I was actually following along with the movie and was a little annoyed when J said he needed to go to the potty for the second time since the movie started. We missed the singular plot twist in the movie, after all. I amazed myself at enjoying the movie because he was enjoying it so much. It is a wonderful feeling to realize that something you never thought you could enjoy becomes enjoyable by simply seeing it through the eyes of a child. This is one of the things I love most about being a mom.

JBucks

2008-01-25T14:10:00.001-06:00

It seems like all who have children, and even some who don’t, are constantly willing to offer up their advice for parenting a child who is having trouble adjusting or exhibiting any sort of behavioral issues. I admit to taking a lot of this advice lately because I was at my wit’s end on how to deal with J’s hitting and angry outbursts. However, (knock on wood), it seems that a system of my own device has finally started to take hold of my little man.

We instituted a system of rewards and payments for good behavior and fun activities. I asked Doug to design money with J’s photo on it. Each of these JBucks can then be earned and spent. Each morning, there is the possibility of earning up to five JBucks based on good behavior. Each incident of trouble, back-talking, not minding, etc. will result in losing one JBuck. Teachers have also been given the authority to remove JBucks by leaving us a note in his daily folder. On the best day, at bedtime, he receives his five JBucks. On the worst day, he receives none. We have had days that fall everywhere on this scale. However, for the last few days, he has been doing great.

J loves his reward chart that lists everything he can “buy” with his JBucks – everything from one JBuck for an extra piece of candy or treat after dinner (since he thinks I am stingy for only allowing one) to fifteen JBucks for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese or a movie. He typically buys 30 minutes of video game time at three JBucks each though he has made one trip to Chuck E. Cheese and keeps talking about another.

I’ve decided that sometimes all of the books and websites and advice from others really is useless when it comes to your own child. You have to know your child’s motivations and desires to decide what is right for you and only you. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this continues to work and J will continue to thrive.

Play Nice

2008-01-18T16:44:00.000-06:00

Yes, we are still having trouble with J hitting at school. We did get a note from the teacher this week that said J had three good days in a row and that he was acting a lot more social. This coming from the child who talks at home from morning’s first light until his eyes resist his fight against sleep in the evening. He was always very social at his old school so watching him play by himself and seclude himself at the new school was quite a shock. However, we’ve been encouraging him, talking to him about friendship, checking out every movie that revolves around this theme at the library, seeking out programs on friendship to TiVo, and it seems it is finally paying off just a little. Three good days in a row! Who knew a Mommy could be so proud over such a little note. It warranted a trip to “Pizza Planet” that very night.

However, it occurs to me that I don’t always want him to "play nice." I don’t mean that I want him to be a bully or that I want him to mistreat anyone else. Not even close. I do want him to take up for himself and defend himself when needed. I want him to maintain the independent streak he is showing so early. I want him to be a strong and secure individual throughout his life. That distinction isn’t really clear to a three-year-old so, for now, we just focus on “play nice.” I worry that this isn’t the best lesson to teach our kids though. Should we always play nice throughout our lives? In our careers? Even in all of our social situations? At what point do we tell our kids that isn't the best option for daily living?

While I want J to be friendly and outgoing and social, I also want him to get ahead in this world. I want him to learn early that people, if given the chance, will often take advantage of you. They will run over you and treat you like a doormat if you allow it. I want him to see that playing nice isn’t always feasible or advisable. I want him to know that practically no one will “play nice” in the business world. It is a dog eat dog world and you better be the first dog or sign up for a life of mediocrity and low pay. You have to be willing to sell yourself above the others in your work pool. You have to toot your own horn and toot it loudly sometimes. And, yes, sometimes you have to deal with lots of people who couldn’t define “nice” if they had to.

So, for now I’ll say “play nice” but when he calls me in twenty-five years and tells me he is competing for a big promotion, I’ll say, “Play fair” – which, of course, we all know isn’t always the same as playing nice. I’ll say, “Be honest” – which isn’t the same thing either. Very often, in fact, to be honest isn’t nice at all and you have to know when to be honest and when to keep your mouth shut. And I’ll say, “Be yourself” – even if that isn’t always nice at all. Better to be yourself and deal with the consequences than try to be someone or something else. There is little merit in the old business adage, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Eventually, someone’s gonna find out!

Hmmm… all that rambling to say – social lessons for a three year old:

Play fair.
Be honest.
Be yourself.

Sounds about right.

Why I scrapbook

2008-01-09T16:46:00.000-06:00

I think that many people view scrapbooking as an odd hobby. To document every move your child makes. To take pictures at parties and family reunions. Every seemingly insignificant event in your life alongside the most significant ones. For many, their scrapbooks are all about the art of the creation. For me, they are all about the stories behind the photos.

I recently found a quote that I think sums up my desire to scrapbook so simply. "When a person dies, a library is burned." - Edmund White

To me, that really said it all. When I am dead and gone (hopefully later rather than sooner), I want my precious son and hopefully his children and theirs, to know me. Not just have a faded picture of me stashed in a drawer somewhere with “Mom” scribbled on the back and a date… but to really know me. To know what I wanted out of life. To know what and who I loved. To even know what I didn’t like. I want my son to know that the sun rises and sets on him in my eyes. I want him to know that I loved his daddy with all my heart and soul. I want him to know that I respected and cherished my parents and my grandparents and my great grandmothers for the time I had them and missed the ones who are gone now.

I probably won’t have an estate to leave to J. I won’t have a huge bank account or a mansion sitting on rolling hills. I won’t have antique cars or precious jewels. But I can have a legacy. My scrapbooks of family photos and journaling can be my legacy. That's why I scrapbook.

Well, that and because it's fun!

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-04T12:10:00.000-06:00

As with most things in my life these days, I'm a few days late writing these down. I like making New Year's Resolutions though they aren't typically written down anywhere or even followed up on with any real regularity. I like the idea of starting over on January 1st. Put the bad habits behind me and make a fresh start. So, here are mine (in no particular order):

1. Start getting up earlier in the morning (ugh) to allow time for exercise and to make J a healthy breakfast.
2. Paint at least one room in my house (my bedroom, the guest bathroom, and/or the guest room/playroom) and hire someone to paint my kitchen.
3. Make my front flowerbeds look presentable.
4. Lose some weight - any amount will do.
5. Spend more time with my friends. Game night, anyone?

I think that is enough for now. Just following through with the first part of number one will be a challenge for me.

Funny Moments

2008-01-03T10:49:00.001-06:00

Where does his little mind come up with these things?

J is still getting into trouble at school occasionally and just before Christmas he was having a particularly hard time behaving with all the chaos at school involving parties and Christmas program rehearsals. One morning Doug was reminding him that he needed to be good at school that day or he would be in trouble. J apparently thought this was a fairly stern warning as he looked up at his Daddy and asked, "With the police?" Doug told him he'd try to keep them out of it. Fortunately, we didn't have to report him to the police as he had a good day that day.

J has entered the WHY phase. He questions everything. One of my favorite recent questions he asked of Doug is, "Is God afraid of bad guys?" Additionally, he quizzed my dad for about ten minutes on the details of being a soldier. There was no pause to think about the answers he had been given before the next question was on the tip of his tongue. This is a snippet of that conversation.

J: Were you a soldier?
Dad: Yes.
J: Can I see a picture?
Dad: Sure. (shows him a Command photo from a few years ago)
J: Are you holding that flag?
Dad: No, it is behind me.
J: Where is your sword?
Dad: I didn't have a sword.
J: Did you have a gun?
Dad: Yes.
J: Did you have it in that picture?
Dad: No, I didn't have it with me that day.
J: Did you have it with you three days before that.
Dad: I don't remember. Probably not.
J: Did you ever kill anybody?
Dad: No.
J: Why not?
Dad: There are lots of different kinds of soldiers.
J: Can you show me how to march like a soldier?
Dad: Sure. And I'll show you how to salute also.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T13:35:00.001-06:00

My most-loved time of the year has now come and gone. I love the time between Christmas Eve and New Year's Day. I typically take this time off from work and spend it with my family and friends. This year was no different. Because of the dates, we ended up being off for eleven glorious (and busy) days.
Christmas at my house growing up was always an extravagant affair and this year was no different. It has never mattered how much the gift costs. It is all in the presentation. All gifts are wrapped separately so there is more under the tree. There is a lot of fanfare surrounding Christmas starting on Christmas Eve with our huge Christmas meal. All of my favorites from turkey and dressing to homemade cranberry sauce to sweet potato casserole are on the table. Mom and I are usually exhausted from getting it there but it is wonderful to enjoy it with our family.
Christmas Eve also means opening the first presents. Growing up I always received my Christmas pajamas and we've continued that tradition with J. He was decked out in red and green as is appropriate (and in two different pairs since both grandmas bought him some). He wore one pair to bed and the second pair when he got up!
Once the few presents are open and everyone has indulged in one too many treats that we managed to make while preparing the meal, we all settle back in a comfy chair while someone reads a Christmas story. Last year we read to J about Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus and this year it was Twas the Night Before Christmas. The point of this time is less about the story and more about a little quiet time together to settle down the little one.
J was very excited this year and just couldn't make himself go to sleep. It was nearly midnight when he finally dropped off. As a result, he didn't slow down to even see his toys the next morning. Instead he sped past them to check to see if Santa ate all the treats he left for him the night before. He was very concerned Santa was going to skip Grandma and Papa's house because he stayed up too late. Satisfied that Santa had gotten his fill, we finally talked him into checking out his swag.
Christmas morning always extends into the afternoon once the presents are passed out and opened. I got so wrapped up in watching J open his gifts this year that, when he was finished, I looked around and everyone else was finished as well. Everyone except me, that is. I jumped up to fix brunch - another of our Christmas traditions - and had to return to my pile of gifts after we ate to finish.
Mom and I always go shopping the day after Christmas. We have been known to have to empty the car then go back out again because we buy so much. It is our time. We are typically out for twelve or fifteen hours (or more). We shop a little, eat a little, laugh a lot. It's a good time for just the two of us to be together and connect.
I know I've said it before but I really love Christmas. It is one of the only times that we can be with our families with no other pressures. I love buying gifts for them. I love the big, over-the-top meals. I love the time.
I also love New Year's because we've started another tradition over the past few years of spending this time with some of our friends. Doug and I used to sit home every New Year's and watch the ball drop on TV. Before that I typically worked every New Year's Eve, uninterested in the reveling that was going on. However, since we started traveling to Birmingham every year, I find I really look forward to that weekend as a relaxing social time after the rush of the holidays. We always have our party on the weekend to accommodate those of us traveling from out of town but it is just as fun to pretend it is the real New Year's Eve. Although my family has tried to make plans for that weekend more than once, they are becoming accustomed to the fact that these plans are non-negotiable and learning to live with it. I typically put my family above all other plans but New Year's Eve weekend is taken.
So, I have to wait another year to see the lights, hear the music, and experience the wonder that is Christmas. Maybe I'll play O Holy Night just one more time.

Another take on Me from A to Z

2007-12-21T14:37:00.000-06:00

I found this list while searching for an adjective starting with X. I thought it was interesting so thought I'd include it here as well.

A is for Age: 36

B is for Beer of choice: Gordon Biersch Dunkles

C is for Career: Content Management Specialist for a packaging supply company

D is for favorite Drink: Caffeine Free Diet Coke

E is for Essential item I use everyday: lip balm

F is for Favorite song at the moment: Since it’s Christmas time, I’ll list my favorite Christmas song – O Holy Night

G is for favorite Game: Monopoly or Scrabble

H is for Hometown: born in Birmingham, AL and raised in Mobile, AL but neither feels like home now since my parents don't live in either

I is for Instruments I play: None currently but I used to be proficient on the piano, flute, and piccolo

J is for favorite Juice: orange juice

K is for Kids: Yep - one

L is for Last kiss: last night

M is for Marriage: Yep – for 11 years now.

N is for Name of my best friend: Doug

O is for Overnight Hospital stays: Two when I had baby J

P is for Phobias: I’m not sure. I fear certain things (pain/suffering) but they don’t necessarily prevent me from doing things. I don’t have any irrational fears that I know of like a fear of heights or anything.

Q is for Quote: “Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”

R is for biggest Regret: Don’t believe in regret. Just learn and move on.

S is for Self confidence: I think I’m fairly self-confident. Probably more so than the average woman my age.

T is for Time I wake up: Between 5:30 and 6:30 during the week (depending on how many times I hit that snooze button) and between 6 and 8 on the weekend (depending on what time J wakes me up)

U is for Underwear: yes, always

V is for Vegetable I love: asparagus, broccoli, spinach, cauliflower, brussel sprouts… there really are very few I don’t like

W is for Worst habit: television

X is for X-rays I’ve had: annual dental x-rays, mammogram, cat scan, and wrist x-ray for carpel tunnel - not really an x-ray but I'll include it here is an ultrasound

Y is for Yummy food I make: all of it…. right?

Z is for Zodiac: Taurus

Me from A to Z

2007-12-21T14:21:00.000-06:00

I was reading some journaling prompts and one said to list adjectives that describe me. While that is all well and good, I thought it would be more fun to come up with an adjective for each letter of the alphabet. I’m fairly certain I’ll have to consult a dictionary and a thesaurus on this assignment though I’ll start with as many as I can think of without them.

A is for anxious

B is for blunt

C is for clumsy

D is for disciplined

E is for expressive

F is for frugal

G is for guarded

H is for heedful

I is for impatient

J is for judgmental

K is for knowledgeable

L is for loving

M is for methodical

N is for nostalgic

O is for opinionated

P is for productive

Q is for quirky

R is for responsible

S is for stubborn

T is for thankful

U is for unwasteful

V is for vigilant

W is for worried

X is for xenophilous

Y is for young

Z is for zealous

Whew! I’ll have to admit I had to ask for help to find one starting with X but I’m pretty happy with the list all in all. It does make me wonder, when presented with this task, how many people would list all positive or all negative attributes about themselves. I think I have a pretty decent balance as I look back over my list. That’s me – from A to Z.

Location, location, location

2007-12-21T11:12:00.001-06:00

I’ve been “working” on a Book of Me scrapbook for years. By working on it I mean I’ve been collecting journaling prompts and making notes about the album. I even purchased the album – a beautiful jewel tone 12x12 album that I adored the first time I saw it and, at the time, was the most expensive album I had ever purchased. I haven’t actually completed a single page in it but need to get started on all the journaling that will be required for it. One of the journaling prompts asks, “How many houses/apartments have you lived in during your life?” I had to stop to count but the final count on all residences is thirteen to date.

I lived in a small house in Birmingham, AL when I was first born that I have no recollection of at all. We soon moved to another small house a few blocks away where I lived until I was six. I loved this little home because I had my own room, a playroom off the kitchen just big enough for a little table for tea parties, a little playhouse in the back yard where I would play with my backdoor neighbors Cathy and Carol, and a huge hedge across the backyard separating my house from theirs where seemingly-thousands of lightning bugs seemed to congregate on hot summer evenings. Dad also had a workshop out back where he would let me hammer to “help” anytime I wanted. When I went back to look at this house years later, it was so much smaller than I remembered.

My dad was transferred to Mobile, AL when I was six and he and I moved in temporarily with my grandparents who lived there until my parents could sell the other house and find a rental house. They lived on a quiet cove and I loved visiting them and staying there. We soon moved into a rental house and shortly thereafter, my grandfather was transferred to Birmingham, AL! I don’t remember a lot about the rental house except one of our neighbors had a tree in their yard that I thought was the biggest tree in the whole world. We lived in this house while our new home was being built.

The house I lived in for the next eleven years was on Stonemill Run in Mobile. It was a brown house with a stone front, a long front porch, a tiny playroom for my toys (unair-conditioned though I never seemed to mind that when I was little), and a bedroom that I loved. I had a closet that I would crawl into the back of and find my “secret space” where I later had a John Stamos poster on the wall, a pillow against the wall, and my diary in a shoe box. I had great friends who lived on that street with me. My best friend Johnny lived next door and, when his family moved away, a wonderful new friend named Vail Rumley moved in. People usually thought we were sisters as we both had blonde hair and were so much alike. I had another friend down the street named Kelly and she and I would slide down the hill three doors down to pick wild raspberries. That hill was later flattened and houses were built there which always made me a little sad.

When I was eighteen, I packed my bags and moved to the other end of the state. I moved into a dormitory at the University of North Alabama called Rice Hall. Over the next two years I would reside in two different rooms (though I’ve counted this as a single residence). The rooms provided ample bookshelves and desk space though I always thought the closet space was lacking, particularly when I moved into a three-person room with two of my friends and we had to share two closets. Not an easy task for three clothes-obsessed college girls. We did a lot of sharing!

My first summer as a college student, I moved into a dorm at Shocco Springs Baptist Conference Center to work as a summer staffer. I shared a small room and one closet with two other girls and we had a blast. The following summer I lived in LaGrange Hall on campus with another friend for a few months while school was in session then, when they kicked us out between semesters, a friend of my roommate’s let us move in with him. He had a two bedroom apartment, lived alone, and traveled frequently for work.

Soon I moved into my first apartment. I thought it was the most wonderful slum apartment in the world. I could always tell people which one was mine because there was a shingle falling off the roof right above the door that the landlord would never fix. It was a townhouse within walking distance of campus (though I usually drove to school because I was always running late and usually had to go straight to work from class). The kitchen was decorated in the most awful 70s avocado green and everything else was stark white. There were far more bad things than good about the apartment, the neighbors, and the neighborhood that I could point out now but it was mine and I adored it.

As an aside, while moving from dorm to dorm and apartment to apartment, I had a total of ten roommates in five years. Perhaps I should write sometime about what I learned from living with each one! Living with people is a tricky business that must be renegotiated with each person. No two roommates are alike and you have to be extremely flexible in dealing with each – after all, the home belongs to both of you! However, I wouldn’t trade any of the experiences and anyone who never had a roommate really missed out on an important life experience, in my opinion.

When I moved to Memphis I moved into a small one bedroom apartment just off Poplar Avenue called Poplar Pines. A train track ran right by the complex which took a lot of getting used to for me. While the closet was huge (the first walk-in closet I ever had), the kitchen was so tiny that I never did get used to cooking in there though I tried to frequently as Doug and I lived there and had our first Christmas as husband and wife there along with seven members of our family… in 800 square feet of apartment! Good thing we all get along.

We quickly outgrew that apartment as most of our wedding gifts had been relegated to a storage facility and, combined, we had more books than we had wall space for bookshelves. We started looking for another place and soon found a delightful condo for rent just a few minutes away. We had super landlords who allowed me to paint and stencil to really make this place my own – another first as my previous landlords wouldn’t allow this. The complex was quiet except that it was next door to a hospital so we would occasionally hear the screaming sirens from the ambulance bay. Additionally, something in the hospital would frequently interfere with our cable television reception and that didn’t sit well with me.

A few years later we decided we had spent enough money on rent without any return and decided to purchase a house. After many, MANY Saturdays looking at houses in and around the Memphis area, we decided that we really couldn’t find anything already built that we loved. We decided to purchase a new construction and settled on Southaven, MS for its excellent schools, quieter neighborhoods, significantly lower crime rates, rock bottom property taxes and costs, and significant growth potential in home value (the county is the fastest growing county in Mississippi and one of the fastest growing in the US). We spent many more Saturdays riding through neighborhoods and visiting model homes. We finally decided on ST subdivision and a small lot (the smallest one still available) on BD. We signed the papers and started construction in the fall of 1999 and moved in about five months later.

I loved this house the day we moved in and still do. I have a significant emotional attachment to this home as well. This was the first house we purchased. This house represented a lot of decisions we made together to turn it from a simple house into a home. This was the home we brought our son to just two days after his birth and the only home he has known. This is the home where we've hosted our friends and family for many gatherings. I’ve put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this home. We moved into the house on a freezing cold day with a torrential downpour drenching us with each trip to the moving truck. We finally got used to the planes flying overhead as we found out we are living under one of the flight paths for the Memphis International Airport which services all the FedEx planes from midnight until 5am. We worked with my parents to finish out the bonus room ourselves where I discovered I am apparently allergic to fiberglass insulation and have no construction talents. Doug, with the help of his mom and cousin, painted that room just days before Joel arrived so we could move our study up there to create a nursery downstairs. I love this home and, when it is time for residence number fourteen for me, I’ll be a little sad to leave it behind.

'Tis the Season

2007-12-19T15:44:00.000-06:00

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I love the decorations. I love the music. I love the spirit of it all. However, I find that my darling three-year-old has not fully embraced the spirit of Christmas yet. He loves the decorations. He loves the music. But he loves the gifts most of all. Which, in all fairness, is what most kids love (and many adults too). However, it is never too early to learn that it really is better to give than to receive.
We've been having some trouble with J acting out at school lately. We and his teachers suspect this is because he loves structure and a regular schedule, he is smart and so becomes bored easily, and he doesn't like to share. In his defense, he doesn't have to share at home since he is the only one who wants to play with his toys. But at school, this has been a bitter pill for him to swallow. So, I thought the best course of action would be to explain to him that he is very fortunate to have the things he has - the toys, the food, the treats, the home - and very lucky to attend such a wonderful school with so many great teachers and fun things to do and interesting toys to play with. We then explained that not everyone has these advantages. This message he understood though I could tell the idea that there are children with no toys was nearly beyond his imagination.
Because we love the Toys for Tots charity and similar organizations, I told him we'd be shopping for other little girls and boys a few nights ago. He thought that was all well and good until the reality hit him in the store. We weren't buying anything for him. Nothing. Not a single one-dollar Hot Wheels car. These toys were all going to... someone else. At that moment the charity left him and he was completely unimpressed with the entire shopping expedition. While he had been helping me pick out books and cars and puzzles and coloring books and helping me toss them gleefully into our cart, he suddenly froze, got a sullen look on his face, and said, "I can't have anything?!?"
It is hard to teach our kids the true meaning of Christmas. We read a board book telling the story of Jesus being born in a stable. He sings songs at school about Jesus' birthday and Paul and Silus and the Hebrew children but the messages haven't really sunk in yet. We talk about how thankful we are for the blessings in our life. But, when all is said and done, his most pressing concern is "but will I be getting what I want from Santa."
Sometimes I have to remind myself he is only three. He speaks like an old man sometimes telling me "we need to have a discussion" or, as was the case this morning, "I just don't feel well, Mommy. Work makes me tired." He is only three though and the spirit of giving hasn't truly caught hold in him yet. I hope that as he grows up though, and sees the spirit of giving around him, sees the charitable gifts, however small, that we try to give to make someone else's day brighter, that he will see that Christmas is not so much about what is under the tree as it is what you can do for someone else to make their day easier. For now he only knows that we bought those toys then he never saw them again but I hope he will come to understand, through the years, what that feeling of giving can be for him.
You don't have to spend a lot of money for Christmas to be special. I am the first to admit that I go overboard sometimes - particularly on my baby. However, if you put real thought into what you are giving, even the simplest and most inexpensive gift can be special. My favorite gift I've received from Doug in the fifteen years we've been together was a handpainted candle holder he painted himself at one of these do-it-yourself pottery places. He didn't handcraft it and it wasn't even his idea to go (it was a work outing). But I loved that he thought of me and painted it just for me in my favorite color. We usually can't afford to spend a lot of money on toys for charity but it is something we deem a priority and try to do it every year. We scrimp a little on each other sometimes to make it possible and I love doing it. I know the look of joy on Joel's face on Christmas morning and knowing that maybe my few toys somehow added to that for another child is a wonderful feeling.
'Tis the Season for Giving - Giving of yourself by taking time out to shop for those less fortunate. Giving of yourself by visiting family and friends. Giving of yourself in letting those you care about know how you feel. At this time of year, the most important thing in the world is family, friends, and giving. I love Christmas!

Things I’ve learned from being a Mom

2007-12-17T10:52:00.000-06:00

It’s been a while since I posted here. I’d love to blame the upcoming holidays or the fact that I’ve had a sick child at home. I’d love to say I’ve been terribly busy doing laundry and wrapping gifts to get ready to be out of town. However, while all of those things are true, I’ve generally just been feeling lazy lately. By the time I get everything done in the evenings, I just want to sit on the sofa and stare blankly at the television while doing my Sudoku puzzles and waiting for the laundry dryer buzzer to sound one last time so I can pull those clothes out, fold them, and go to bed. I was home last week with J for two days during the week – a schedule we are not used to and which, despite my best (albeit tired) efforts, threw us off for days to come. Those days did make me realize some things about myself though – things I’ve learned about myself from being a mom:

I need to be more organized. So much of the time we are just flying from one thing to the next in the evenings and on the weekends that I don’t even realize how disorganized I have become. I used to pride myself on everything in my tiny apartments having their own space. Now I have more space than ever before and nothing is where it should be.
Sometimes good enough is good enough. I don’t always have to be a perfectionist. In my efforts to get more organized, I have found this to be most true. While trying to balance work and spending as much quality time with J as possible, some things just have to be half-done. And that is okay.
I am my worst critic. No matter how much I try to do, it is never enough. At least that is how I feel most of the time. If I cook dinner five nights a week, I feel bad that I didn’t cook the other two or that I made Doug eat leftovers. If I clean up one room of the house then I should have stayed up later to clean just one more room.
There is nothing more angelic than a sleepy boy who wants to nuzzle. J is getting so big now and everything is “all about Daddy” most of the time. He is figuring out his gender role and I am so proud of that fact. However, I do miss that sweet baby breath on my neck where he used to sleep for hours. I miss those gentle coos. There are still two times when I get to enjoy that sweetest moment with my little one though – when he is very tired or sick. He still loves to cuddle and nuzzle just a little with his mommy and I do love it so.
I am a good mother. No matter the shortcomings, the mistakes, and even the criticism I mount against myself when he gets into trouble or falters, I am a good mother. I worry about this frequently but, when all is said and done, I know that J will never look back and think that I didn’t spend enough time with him. He’ll never think that I didn’t love him enough or didn’t care for him enough. He’ll never think that I put anything in my life above my family. I know that all of his needs and most of his wants are being satisfied. I know that I am raising him to be conscientious, loving, empathetic, and genuine. I am encouraging his creativity and finding ways to stimulate his intellect. I am seeking out the best educational opportunities I can afford. I try to encourage his independent streak even when it infuriates me. I love him more than I ever thought possible and, despite my failings, I am a good mother to him. This is the role I am most proud of in my entire life.

Food, Glorious Food

2007-12-07T12:23:00.001-06:00

While writing my list of my favorite things, I realized I could not narrow down just one favorite food besides some yummy sweets like Krispy Kreme doughnuts which should be considered more than just a food. They are warm, pillowy bites of sugary goodness. Dark chocolate and ice cream were on my list, of course. However, I got to thinking it would be easier to narrow down my favorites by category. Even doing it this way, I still had more than one answer for some. This should make those who make fun of me for my food aversions realize there is still a lot that I do eat! So, here goes:

BBQ – beef brisket and muddy ribs

Breakfast – bacon and hashbrowns or Krispy Kreme doughnuts (though these could also go in the dessert category)

Cajun/New Orleans Style – red beans & rice and seafood gumbo

Carribean – jerk chicken and plantains

Chinese – egg rolls and Mongolian BBQ with beef, peppers, onions, and cabbage

Desserts – Now this is the hardest category of all for me to narrow down. Ice cream, dark chocolate, crème brulée, lemon meringue pie, key lime pie, cherry pie, dark chocolate truffles, Italian cream cake…….

Fast Food – Steak Escape French fries and Chick Fil A chicken minis

Fern bar – spicy chicken fingers and potato skins

French – croissants and crepes

German – goulash and sauerbraten with spätzle

Greek – mousaka

Hamburger – bacon, cheddar, and BBQ sauce

Hot Dog – Chicago Dog hold the onions

Ice Cream – Baskin Robbins Daiquiri Ice and Godiva Dark Chocolate

Indian – aloo gobhi and roti

Irish – shepherd’s pie

Italian – Pasta Fra Diavola, calzones, and stromboli

Japanese – edamame, fried rice, and steak kushiyaki

Korean – kimchi

Meat - steak

Mexican – cheese dip and cheese enchiladas

Moroccan – couscous

Pizza – green olives and green peppers

Seafood – stuffed shrimp

Soup – French onion

Southern – fried chicken, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, and fried dill pickles

Thai – spring rolls in rice paper

Vegetable - asparagus

Vietnamese – crispy noodles with stir-fried beef and veggies

I think that about covers it unless someone introduces me to another type of cuisine or I remember one I failed to mention. I’ve not met a type of food yet that I didn’t like something!

And the things I hate

2007-12-06T09:49:00.001-06:00

As long as I'm listing my favorite things, I might as well list some things I hate as well. I also started this list a few years ago but just keep adding to it. I was a little surprised that I had to keep cutting my Things I Love list to keep it at 100 but couldn't come up with 100 Things I Hate. I guess that is a good sign. Really, these need no comments. Again, not in order.

1. Telemarketers
2. Lies
3. Being hot
4. Talking on the phone
5. Scary dogs
6. Coconut
7. Raw onions
8. Ketchup
9. Vomiting
10. J's whining
11. Making phone calls
12. Gross morning hair
13. Friends who break plans - especially at the last minute
14. Washing dishes - worst chore in the house
15. Standing in long, slow lines
16. Insects
17. Roaches - yes, they get their own category because I have a special hatred for them
18. Potty humor
19. Bad manners - particularly in children
20. Bad parenting - particularly lack of appropriate discipline
21. Terrorism
22. Screaming
23. Bad smells - especially food
24. Going to the dentist
25. Gaining weight
26. Out of stock
27. Raw oysters
28. Driving at night
29. Wearing shorts
30. Freezer burn
31. Willfully ignorant people
32. Golf and fishing on TV
33. Reckless drivers
34. Trashy talk shows
35. Getting a busy signal on the phone
36. High pitched tones
37. Cigarette/cigar/pipe smoke
38. Noise
39. Cold showers
40. Dangerous driving conditions
41. Humid weather
42. Spam - the food and the internet variety
43. Photos that don't turn out
44. Slow Internet connections
45. Naps
46. Waking up early in the morning - particularly if I have to rush out of bed
47. Having nothing to do
48. People rushing into an elevator without giving me a chance to get out
49. Passive-aggressive behavior
50. People reading over my shoulder
51. Not having enough to drink with my meal
52. Mosquitoes - they love me
53. Not being able to sleep - especially when I have to get up early
54. Lavender, patchouli, musk, or other strong perfumes/colognes
55. Being late
56. When others are late - particularly if they know others are waiting on them
57. My lack of memory
58. When people act shocked at the foods I dislike
59. My terrible eyesight
60. Drama in my life
61. Plain cream cheese - why is this stuff on everything?!?
62. Scratchy, ill-fitting, or uncomfortable clothes
63. Shoes that hurt my feet
64. Most pop music after 1990
65. The sun in my eyes when I'm driving
66. Home repairs
67. Losing things
68. Not being productive enough
69. All the logos and ads at the bottom of my television shows
70. Bills and debt
71. Clothes on pets
72. Cats, rats, and snakes
73. People on cell phones while they are trying to do other things
74. Stains that won't come out
75. Always being broke
76. Get rich quick schemes that sucker people in - If it really worked, don't you think everyone would be doing it?!?
77. Poor grammar and misspellings

These are a few of my favorite things

2007-12-06T08:40:00.001-06:00

100 of them to be exact. I started this list a few years ago with the intention of transferring them to a scrapbook. I haven't gotten them into a scrapbook yet but thought I'd put them here until I can - especially since it took me over an hour to locate the original list. I'm still honing the list a little and maintain my prerogative to change it at any time. As with most lists, these are in no particular order.
"The best way to love life is to love many things." (Vincent Van Gogh)

1. Air conditioning - truly my number one favorite thing!
2. Comfy clothes
3. Watching TV/movies
4. TiVo
5. Vacations/Traveling
6. Winter/Cold weather
7. Going out to eat
8. 80s music
9. Country music
10. Rainy days, thunderstorms, and lightning
11. Christmas
12. Rainbows
13. Bargains
14. Taking photos
15. L'Occitane tinted shea butter balm
16. Looking at old family photos
17. The Internet
18. Long showers
19. Antique stores
20. Caffeine Free Diet Coke
21. Spending time with my friends
22. Scrapbooking
23. Singing
24. Good hair days though they are few
25. Emeralds
26. Sunsets
27. Reading
28. Cooking - especially new recipes
29. Lazy days at home with Doug - very few these days
30. Our home
31. Laughing
32. Being married
33. Being a mom
34. Dark chocolate
35. Surprises - some of them
36. Costume parties
37. Board/Card games
38. Sleeping late
39. Home decor and design books
40. NPR & PBS
41. Getting presents
42. Sending the perfect card/Giving the perfect gift
43. Birthdays
44. Halloween
45. Cool photo frames
46. New clothes
47. Getting dressed up
48. Spending time with family
49. My down comforter
50. The colors hunter green and red
51. The ocean
52. Great black and white photography
53. Lipstick
54. Crops
55. Winnie the Pooh
56. Krispy Kreme doughnuts - warm, of course
57. Having company
58. Paintings by Renoir
59. Scrapbooking toys/tools
60. Sandals - for women only
61. "Me" time
62. Mardi Gras
63. Bette Midler
64. Dixie Chicks music
65. Comfy furniture
66. Snowbabies/Snowbunnies
67. Ice cream
68. J's laugh
69. Spiral notebooks and journals
70. Fresh seafood
71. Caller ID/Privacy Manager
72. Rubber stamps
73. Doug's eyes
74. Doug's laugh
75. HGTV, DIY, and the Food Network
76. Disney and Pixar movies
77. Paper
78. Books
79. A baby's smell and his breath on my neck
80. A clean and tidy home - it is a rare find
81. Paint
82. Lists - go figure
83. Cold sheets and pillow (flipping the pillow over to the cool side)
84. Cookbooks
85. Christmas trees
86. Being silly
87. My van
88. Tropical Punch Kool Aid
89. Getting real mail from someone rather than email
90. Great deleted scenes on DVDs
91. Girls' Night Out
92. Organizing
93. Email
94. My MP3 player
95. Libraries and bookstores
96. Digital cameras
97. Cool quotes
98. Going barefoot
99. Baby clothes
100. The sound of waves hitting the beach while I sleep

Movies I Can Watch Over and Over

2007-12-05T22:20:00.001-06:00

Some are great. Some are not. Doesn't matter - I can watch them again and again and they never get old.

Gone With the Wind
Beaches
Steel Magnolias
Pretty Woman
The Wizard of Oz
For the Boys
Con Air
Poltergeist
Big
9 to 5
The Temptations
Tombstone
The Birdcage
Overboard - truly awful, I know
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything
Falling Down
The Shawshank Redemption

Rules of Work

2007-12-04T12:20:00.000-06:00

I found a great quote today while perusing magazines on my lunch hour. Sometimes my favorite quotes that I like to keep just seem to find me when I'm not looking for them at all. This one is attributed to Albert Einstein:

“The three rules of work:
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2. From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

You could really build your whole life around that one quote and three simple ideas. Simple in theory anyway. Not so simple in practice.

Friendship II

2007-12-03T15:41:00.001-06:00

We are still trying to teach J about friends and friendship and what that really means. As a result, I’ve had my own friends on my mind a lot lately. Today I was thinking – what makes a good friend to me? I’ve thought about the people I treasure most as friends and these are the top ten characteristics I value about them:

They speak their minds and are always honest when talking to me - no matter what the outcome might be.
They really listen when I talk to them.
They love to have fun and to laugh.
They are outgoing.
They are assertive.
They are intelligent.
They accept me just as I am.
They have some common interests with me and lots of differing interests they can share with me without expecting me to adopt them.
They are witty and sarcastic.
They are consistent and are always "just themselves."

I'm sure this should say something about me and the type of person I am. Perhaps it does. Perhaps not. At any rate, as I look at the lasting friendships I've had, I find that each person fits at least the majority of these characteristics. I tend to not get along with or not maintain friendships with those who don't fit this formula. Maybe that means I'm inflexible. Maybe it just means I like what I like. Maybe those two things are really the same. At any rate, that's my prescription for a good friend.

Things I Want to Do Before I Die

2007-11-30T12:46:00.001-06:00

Seven years ago I started a Goals Album - a scrapbook chronicling "The 100 Things I Want to Do Before I Die." As it turns out though, I might end up far more ambitious than just 100 things. When I started my album, I realized there were already lots of things I had already fulfilled on a Lifetime Achievements List. I had already gone to a Mardi Gras Ball (something I had wanted to do since I was a little girl and saw the women at the parades in their ball gowns). I had already visited the White House, seen the inside of the Pentagon, and toured many other historical places in Washington DC, Gettysburg, Jamestown, Williamsburg, Baltimore, etc. I had gone to New York City. I had gone white water rafting, stayed in more than one 4-star hotel, visited England, and many more. There were four things that I opted to put on my list despite already completing them because they were big to me and I'll cover that in a moment.

I think it is so fascinating to see what people put on a Life List like this. When you ask people what their goals are, are they specific or general? I find myself getting much more specific over the years. Seven years ago I listed "visit Germany" but now I find myself adding specific destinations within that country. Additionally, I always am curious how many things people will list. In about 30 minutes I wrote down 44 items for my first list. When I asked Doug for his list, he named about three. That doesn't make one list better than the other - just different and interesting. In my opinion though, everyone needs a list. Below is the entry page I put in my scrapbook to explain why I started this book.

"I sat down to make my list of 100 Things to Do in My Lifetime in the Spring of 2000. When I stopped writing, I had 44 things on my list. The first four items were already accomplished but they were important enough to me that I wanted to include them. The remaining 40 are for me to look forward to. My plan is to add to the list every 5 years (in 2005, 2010, etc.) as I anticipate some of my goals and dreams will change that often as I get older.
Some may be easy to achieve. Others may never be accomplished. However, just putting them into writing makes them more realistic. Now I have a list instead of just thinking "Some day I would like to..." If there are things I never get to do, just wanting to do them still says something about who I am now."

With that intro I listed my first 44 items. In 2005, I added an additional 32 items. I already have 16 items on my list I've started for 2010. At this rate I will far exceed 100 items and that is just fine as well. I decided to list them all here so I can keep up with my ongoing list because I have a tendency to write new ones on tiny slips of paper when I think of them then can't locate those papers later. This way they will all be together. The first list and all lists that follow were never meant to be in any kind of order. Keeping them listed randomly allows me to be equally excited for each and every one completed rather than focusing on how they fall within the list. I will also use this space to keep up with any progress and/or completion dates for different goals. I have listed the completed goals in green.

Original list from 2000:
1. Graduate from college (completed December 17, 1993)
2. Marry my Prince Charming (wedding date August 10, 1996)
3. Take an Alaskan cruise (dream vacation started August 11, 1996 - honeymoon!)
4. Buy a new home (contract signed to start construction on November 19, 1999)
5. Get all of my photos into scrapbooks (completed in August 2002 - I stayed caught up for three days until I started a new roll of film and haven't been caught up again since. The 17 rolls of film in Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon one month later certainly didn't help!)
6. Finish at least 20 scrapbooks (currently have 13 complete and 4 in process)
7. Pay off all bills and buy something fun
8. Lose 25 pounds (now I need to modify this to lose at least 40 pounds but 25 would be a start!)
9. See the Grand Canyon (completed September 2002)
10. Go to a weekend scrapbooking retreat or convention (first one was in May of 2001 and I've been to several since)
11. Have a child (My beautiful little J arrived on April 3, 2004)
12. See another Broadway show (saw my first one while in high school and saw the equivalent of one in London but am always up for another)
13. Adopt a puppy (This one would probably fall off my list now as I've seen the trouble they are for people who like to travel even for a weekend.)
14. Be a Stay at Home Mom (I would love this so much more now than I ever thought possible when I wrote this.)
15. Take Doug to the Smithsonian Museums (Although I've been 4 or 5 times, Doug hasn't been yet and I think that is a tragedy as much as he likes history and museums.)
16. See all 50 US states (29 down, 21 to go! Airports or just driving through don't count - I have to stay the night and/or see at least one "site.")
17. Buy a new car (not "previously owned" - I know this is extremely wasteful and frivolous but just once it would be nice to own a car that has never belonged to anyone else.)
18.Take a photography course
19. Learn to paint
20. See Mt. Rushmore
21. Visit a volcano
22. Ride in a hot air balloon
23. Visit Yellowstone National Park
24. Ride in a helicopter
25. Take a cooking course
26. Watch a sunset from Central Park (I've been to Central Park but would just like to stop the frantic sight-seeing and enjoy the sun setting over the city's impressive skyline.)
27. Have three months' salary in savings
28. Take a vacation with Doug, Mom, Dad, Sam, and Sandra (completed in September 2002 with our trip to Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon and again in May 2007 with J's first trip to Gulf Shores, AL to see the beach)
29. Visit Russia
30. See the Hollywood sign
31. Visit New England in the Fall
32. Celebrate 10 years of marriage (completed August 10, 2006)
33. Spend a whole week at a Bed and Breakfast (Doug and I spent a weekend at one years ago and it whet my appetite for sure.)
34. Ride a train through Europe
35. Smile and laugh more often (Someone asked me, "How will you document this one in a scrapbook." I have no idea but it is a wonderful goal to have each and every day.)
36. Snow ski
37. Visit Ireland
38. Go on another cruise (anywhere!)
39. Visit Vancouver again (Doug and I only had one night in Vancouver on our honeymoon and we really want to see more of it.)
40. Visit Germany (my dream vacation destination)
41. Own a piano
42. Celebrate 25 years of marriage (only 14 more to go!)
43. Celebrate 50 years of marriage (only 39 more to go!)
44. Retire while I am still young and healthy enough to travel and enjoy myself

Items added in 2005:
45. Ride the hills of San Francisco on a streetcar
46. Attend a TV show taping
47. Go white water rafting on a level 4 rapid (the most difficult one I've been on is a 3)
48. Meet someone famous
49. Go sailing (I went once on a little catamaran but neither me nor the other person aboard knew what we were doing and generally just fell off the thing a lot.)
50. Swim with the dolphins
51. Ride in a go cart
52. Go scuba diving or snorkeling
53. Visit a spa for a massage (Completed with Doug in Memphis in the Summer of 2006 and again at the Marriott in Florence, AL in August 2006.)
54. See the lights of Christmas in Manhattan
55. Go horse back riding (I haven't ridden a horse since I was a teenager.)
56. See the Great Pyramid in Giza, Egypt
57. See the Aurora Borealis
58. Ride on the Orient Express
59. Learn to dance
60. Learn to fire a gun (I haven't fired a gun since I was a kid at my grandfather's house.)
61. Learn a martial art
62. Go to Australia
63. Learn to knit (I tried this once already and failed miserably so I'll have to give it another go sometime.)
64. See the Great Wall of China
65. Take the Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg
66. Drive or ride on US 1 - the Pacific Coast Highway - in California
67. Get my kicks on Route 66 (While I've been on parts of Route 66, I would love to drive the length of it from Chicago to Los Angeles/Santa Monica.)
68. Enjoy every moment with J
69. Be serenaded by a Venetian gondolier (Unfortunately the gondolier in the Venetian casino in Las Vegas just didn't satisfy this desire.)
70. Ride a mule to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I traded a ride in a Cessna over the Grand Canyon for this the last time. I won't make that trade off next time.)
71. Gaze upon a magnificent waterfall. (I've seen several waterfalls but none that seem to qualify for this awe-inspiring goal. I guess I'll know the right one when I see it.)
72. Eat a hot dog at Nathan's original Coney Island location
73. Visit Seattle
74. Attend Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues
75. Visit the Art Institute of Chicago (completed September 2006 - our favorite place on our Chicago Anniversary trip)
76. Ride a mechanical bull
77. Stay in a teepee at the Wigwam Village in Cave City, KY

The beginnings of my list for 2010:
78. Shop Munich's Christkindlmarkt
79. See the Neuschwanstein Castle in Füssen
80. Go to Oktoberfest in Munich
81. Eat at Mrs. Wilkes' Boarding House in Savannah, GA
82. Stay at Gravetye Manor in Grinstead
83. Stay at the Kinloch Lodge on the Isle of Skye
84. Kiss the Blarney Stone
85. Drive the Grossglockner Road in Austria
86. Eat a chocolate at Mary Chocolatier in Brussels, Belgium - the premier shop for chocolate in the world
87. Travel the Romantic Road in Bavaria
88. Take Doug to the Sopporo Snow Festival and the Tsukiji Fish Market
89. Stay at Mackinac Island's Grand Hotel
90. See the trail one of my ancestors trekked - The Lewis and Clark Trail
91. Go to Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
92. See the Acropolis in Athens, Greece
93. Visit Santa's Village in Rovaniemi, Lapland, Finland

So, as is obvious, my main goals involve traveling and spending time with my family. A whopping 61 of my 93 goals so far include traveling to a specific destination or traveling somewhere to do something that isn't available where I currently live. It is true that I love to do nothing more than I love to travel. I rarely like to vacation somewhere I've already been because I believe there are just so many other great destinations waiting to be discovered. I can't imagine opting to see the same city over and over when I could see a place I've not yet seen. The exception to this is taking someone else to see a great location. We took J to the beach recently. I am not a huge beach fanatic despite growing up just an hour or so from a beautiful beach but I wanted to be there the first time he laid eyes on that beautiful expanse - water as far as the eye can see and bright, white sand for miles. I want to take Doug places I've been but he hasn't to share those experiences with him. Otherwise, I want to see everything everywhere I possibly can.

As of today - twelve goals completed out of 93. A measly 13%. Surely I can step it up in the next few years. Maybe I can at least complete three more for a total of fifteen before I turn 40. Twenty-five completed before I turn 50? Possible? Sure!

Friendship

2007-11-29T14:40:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendship lately. What does it mean to be a friend to someone? What do I want from a friend? How can I be a friend? J started a new school recently and has had some trouble getting past the fact that he misses two of his friends from his old school. I have no way to contact those parents to set up play dates and, despite leaving my name, number, and a message explaining why we were changing schools for them, I haven’t received a call. Many mornings on the way to school he tells me, “I miss Griffin and Brody” and I just want to cry. But, at the same time I want J to learn that these things happen. Sometimes life gets in the way of our friendships. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some are meant to be transient - in his case just to teach him how to be a friend and the importance of friendships. Additionally, he wants the kids at his new school to act like Griffin and Brody and I’ve been trying to explain that all friends are different.

I am constantly astounded at people my age who still have friends they made in elementary school or even middle school. I can’t imagine having anything at all to talk about to someone I once ran around the swing set with beyond any coincidental similar interests. Perhaps this is because I didn’t go to elementary school with the same people I went to kindergarten with due to a family move. I didn’t attend middle school with most of the people I went to elementary school with due to zoning and bussing. In fact, there were only two boys from my first grade class that I also graduated from high school with and we didn’t remain friends during that time – just distant, pass-and-speak-in-the-hall sorts of folks. One was a programmer for a radio station in Montgomery, AL the last I heard (Hey! I studied radio in college – perhaps we’d have tons in common) and one I haven’t seen since the day we graduated and he reminded me of a long-since forgotten tale from the first grade. To stay friends with someone from your childhood is a mystery to me.

As for friends from high school, I have recently become somewhat nostalgic and joined an online group that allows you to connect with other people from your high school if they are members also. I have talked to a friend of my old high school boyfriend’s, two girls I was friends with in middle school, and a guy I was good friends with in high school. Except for the guy I was friends with in high school, I have very little in common with the others and our exchanges were just a “where are you now” sort of communication.

With all that said, I have a group of friends I’ve known since college with some additions to that group who have joined up via other members over the years. These are the people I found a common link with at some point. Some common interest that holds us together. However, even within this group – a group that met when we were at least on the verge of adulthood and our interests and careers somewhat set – it is sometimes hard to keep the group together. There is too often a notion among friends that every friend needs to be a “Best Friend.” Even my three-year-old is finding that friendship is a tricky deal. You can’t apply the same cookie cutter mentality to every friend. Every friendship in life is unique. This is what I most want to teach J about friendship.

Some friends are meant to be those call-in-the-middle-of-the-night sorts of friends. You usually have these friendships in college. Your parents won’t allow them before that and your spouses won’t allow them after that. These are the people you bare your soul to each and every day. They know your crushes, your loves, your disappointments, your trials. They are your free therapists. They are the reason no one needs a therapist in college.

Some friends are your call-for-a-great-time sorts of friends. These are the people you want to hang out with to laugh, play games, sing karaoke, watch the Iron Bowl, or whatever else suites your fancy. These friends do not want you to call them in the middle of the night. It’s not that they don’t care about you. This just isn’t the sort of friendship you have with them.

Some friends are your tell-it-like-it-is sorts of friends. These are the people you want to take shopping with you to tell you those jeans really do accentuate your fat ass. These are the people you want to run an idea by before you strike out with something you will later regret. Many people don’t like having these types of friends because they don’t want someone to tell it like it is. They want the next type of friends.

Some friends are your tell-you-what-you-want-to-hear sorts of friends. These are the people you turn to when you’ve been wronged and you want to be told you were right in the situation without question. These are the people you tell your ideas to when you just want affirmation and not reality. These are the people who will make you feel good about yourself even if they are just blowing smoke up your ass. Sometimes you will find these are the most detrimental sorts of friends though because they aren’t really your friend at all.

When you find that best friend, it is the person who will bring out the best in you despite being a little bit of all of the types of friends. This person can tell it like it is while making you hear what you need to hear if not always what you want to hear. This person will have fun with you and, on that rare occasion when it is truly necessary, you can call this person in the middle of the night and they won’t care what their spouse says about it. So, what does this mean to a three-year-old who wants to make friends? Just accept people for the type of friend they are able to be to you. Don’t expect people to bend to your whims. Enjoy people for what they can offer you. And, as I told him one evening while scolding him for hitting another child who had a toy he wanted, “if you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” Sometimes the sappiest sentiments are still true.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-28T11:27:00.000-06:00

Every year we celebrate a holiday based on giving thanks for our blessings by running around the state of Alabama visiting various parents, grandparents, and relatives. We spend approximately 10 hours in the car over five days. Generally by the time I return home from my 4-day “vacation” I am exhausted and in need of a day off. However, this year I realized that this is really what this holiday is about.

We start off our holiday every year by driving two and a half hours on Wednesday night to arrive at my husband’s aunt’s house where we are greeted by her neighbor’s barking dogs. These dogs will bark all night and we will get no sleep. We can count on this as sure as any “sure bet” at the track. There is that slight chance another horse will win out but not likely. And, as expected, that was the case this time with them giving us a brief reprieve from midnight to 2:45am and another one from 5am until 6am. The reprieve ended, however, when Aunt T got up and started banging around the kitchen for the next hour (because she is deaf and doesn’t realize her actions actually make noise) until I gave up and crawled out of bed at 7am. Happy Thanksgiving!

But it was a Happy Thanksgiving because just as I gathered up my toiletries for my shower to try to wake myself up, my sleepy-eyed little bundle of joy wanders into my room and, at the sight of me, runs over to give me a big hug and says “Good morning, Mommy. I love you.” Joy. So, I move about getting ready, having breakfast, trying to push the fog out of my mind that comes when I’ve had no sleep. We get to my mother-in-law’s house and Doug informs her that we need sleep. Desperately. So we crawl into bed and Doug rolls over and says, “do you realize this is exactly where we were at this same time last year because of those dogs?” And we laugh. Then we fall asleep. Happy Thanksgiving!

We awake to a house filled with all the smells you could dream of for Thanksgiving – turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes… and the list goes on and on. We stumble out of the bedroom and wait, maybe not so patiently, until we can dive into the scrumptious spread. Happy Thanksgiving!

The weekend proceeds with another whole Thanksgiving dinner set out at my grandmother’s house where we meet up with my grandmothers, parents, and cousins. We stuff ourselves yet again and catch up with our relatives that we don’t see nearly often enough. Happy Thanksgiving!

On Saturday I always go shopping with my mom – who has never finished her Christmas shopping by then. Even if we don’t buy much, we always have a good time just hanging out and visiting away from the hustle and bustle at the house. It is a quiet time for just us and possibly Doug and my cousin Peggy. Happy Thanksgiving!

By Saturday night, we have another tradition – Jack’s Hamburgers. We are always so sick of that favorite meal of turkey and dressing by Saturday that we always order Jack’s for dinner. Happy Thanksgiving!

On Sunday, we make the five hour journey home, stopping for another visit and Mexican food on the way home. We arrive home exhausted and dump our suitcases in the bedrooms to be unpacked another day. Sometimes a week later. Happy Thanksgiving!

So, some people wonder why we put ourselves through this “ordeal” year after year. The answer is simple – we love it and it is what we are thankful for! I am thankful that our family is still here for us to visit. I am thankful for the relationships we have within our family when so many people we know don’t get along with members of their family and couldn’t dream of wanting to spend days with them. I am thankful that T’s neighbor does things for her around the house despite his noisy and annoying dogs. I am thankful for my wonderful, loving, and healthy little boy who sometimes seems to instinctively know when I need a tender moment with him. I am thankful when I can get a little extra sleep as I find myself tired a lot these days – with or without barking dogs to keep me up. I am thankful for my husband who makes me smile and laugh even when I feel beaten. I am thankful that we always have plenty of food and never have to worry from where our next meal is coming. I am thankful my grandmothers are still around to share their stories and their love despite their advancing ages. I am thankful they are still able to remember so many details from their lives. I am thankful my son has had the opportunity to know them and love them. I am thankful for the options I have each and every day even when these are simple things like where I want to eat dinner. I am thankful we have money for small extravagances like eating out and going shopping. I am thankful we are healthy enough to travel to see our families. I am thankful they are healthy enough to have us. I am thankful for my home even when it is messy. It is my sanctuary. My place to rest after such a long weekend. I am thankful. Happy Thanksgiving!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2007-11-26T12:05:00.000-06:00

J frequently says things to me that send me running for my little notebook I keep of first words, funny stories, and endearing quotes. However, my favorite one recently caught me completely off-guard. I have no idea what preceded this thought in his little three-year-old mind but I just loved it.

One evening J was in his playroom watching a movie when he called me in the room. "Mommy, come here!" I went in, not knowing if I would find a crucial Superman versus Mr. Incredible dilemma to be solved or a bloody wound from my less-than-graceful son. Instead he stood up on the sofa and grabbed both of my hands in his sweet little grasp. He looked up at me with a gentle expression and, in the most sincere voice, said "Mommy, I will always remember you because you take care of me."

Now, I'm not sure if I should be concerned (does he think I'm about to die?) or just touched. I had no idea what to say to that other than "That is so sweet. I love you, J." I've said for a long time that J is an 82-year-old man trapped in a three-year-old body. This is just one more thing that proves it is true.

The Lottery

2007-11-20T18:39:00.000-06:00

Every morning on our way to work, Doug and I pass two billboards with the current Power Ball available winnings printed on them. We have made many jokes about "our money" despite the fact that we never buy a ticket. We have tallied up how we would spend various amounts. Of course we would pay everything off and put money away and this that and the other practical stuff. The conversation never centers around those obvious things. Instead, we talk about the fun and fanciful side of having that kind of disposable money.

Now, as I've said before, I am cheap. Sometimes too much for my own good. Even with millions of dollars, I suspect I'd still be cheap. It is a sickness. Or a joy. I'm not quite sure which. I do somewhat enjoy the fact that I am very practical. I don't believe in frivolous spending and find the habit quite annoying in others. I believe in putting aside for the future. I believe in saving up for something I really want. I like to instill that idea in my child. If you got everything you wanted right away, what is there to look forward to, after all?

Anyway, I do think about our illusive millions... the ones we never buy a ticket to win. Amazing we never win, I know. But, what would I spend money on that was reckless once all other necessities were taken care of?

I'd take my family on a trip. This means my husband, child, parents, and in-laws. We'd go on a fantastic journey to far away places I've never been. I love to travel more than anything else in the world.
I'd have little houses, cottages, loft apartments, etc. tucked away everywhere I might want to stay for a weekend now and then. A lake house, a beach house, a Chicago apartment, a Boston townhouse, a villa somewhere, etc. Why rent when you can have a home wherever your heart calls.
I'd pamper my friends. I've never been one to have a lot of friends at any given time. I prefer to have a few very close friends. I'd love to host an all-expenses paid, grand and glorious vacation for my Family of Choice - my closest of friends. Additionally, I'd love to be able to send extravagant pick-me-ups or just-thinking-of-you gifts anytime I wanted. A day at a spa. A case of champagne. Things like that.
I'd outfit my home with all the comforts and pleasures I could. A recording studio for my hubby. A playroom for my little one. A chef's kitchen for me. Oh, and a personal chef to teach me how to use that fancy kitchen!

I know that these millions will never come my way. "You can't win if you don't play" and all that ad-agency-generated hype and all. However, it is always fun to dream. Especially with the one you love.

I’m a Worrier

2007-11-19T09:14:00.000-06:00

If there were a Worriers Anonymous group, I'm sure I could be their leader. I worry. About big things. About little things. I worry that I worry too much. Sometimes I worry that I'm not worrying enough about something. I even worry about why I worry. Some might say I just analyze a situation carefully. However, the lines that should exist between thought and analysis or worry are very fuzzy for me. You might think that I would look like a complete wreck if you saw me walking down the street. That really isn’t true. If you didn’t know me well, you’d likely never guess this little nugget of my personality. You’d likely not know why I look sleepy (because I stayed up half the night worrying about something out of my control or not worth worrying about). Looking on from the outside, I look like everyone else. I go to work everyday where I apply myself diligently. I care for my child. I cook. I clean (though maybe not as much as I should). I pay my bills on time without fail. I keep an organized calendar of all of my family’s comings and goings. However, worry isn’t something you can see.

To the casual observer, my life is neat and orderly and organized. However, what’s going on in my head is never like that. To a normal person, I should have little to worry about. I live in a safe neighborhood in a house I love. I have a good kid who is growing up to be a smart, well-adjusted child. I have a caring husband who would do anything in the world for his family and our safety and happiness. The three of us have our health. All of our parents are still living and healthy and active. However, the insanity in my head goes something like this.

What if I can’t pay the bills next month? Now, we’ve each been laid off and unemployed for months in the past. We lived through that just fine. We signed the papers on a house then I opted to take a $10K pay cut and give up my company car to take another job. We did just fine with that. We had a child which added thousands of dollars to our yearly expenses. We aren’t in the poor house yet though we might be living in the same neighborhood. I live with the fear and worry each and every day that this will be the month that I can’t make it work.
I worry that something will happen to my husband or my child. There really is no basis for this worry. My husband is one of the healthiest people I know other than sinus and allergy issues. He doesn’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. He doesn’t smoke. He isn’t overweight. He is of average health for someone his age. But I still worry. My son has had some minor health issues – severe food allergies, asthma, mysterious bacterial infections, etc. but nothing life-threatening. But I still worry. Anyone who is a mom knows what I mean on that one though. You’d always rather be sick yourself than to see your child sick. It is heart-crushing.
I worry that something important won’t get done. And even something unimportant. I worry about the house not being clean, the laundry not being done, the toys not getting picked up. It’s an insane worry, I know. It still holds a permanent place in my mind.
I worry about my extended family – my parents, my in-laws, my grandmothers. How is their health? What if something happened to one of them?
I worry about my job. Everyone knows that the environment in most companies now is to slash jobs at every opportunity. Keep expenses low. What if I become expendable despite my best efforts to be a valuable and productive employee? I’ve been laid off before. It’s not like there isn’t precedent for me working 40 hours before Thursday then being let go on Thursday afternoon as I am finishing up an important project. Sometimes it has nothing to do with what you bring to the table but, rather, what you take from it in terms of expenses.
I worry about the most ridiculous things late at night when I should be sleeping. Most of my evenings trying to fall asleep go something like this: Did I remember to pack J’s lunch? Was I supposed to send anything to school with him tomorrow – show and tell, or something for a party, or the check for the week? What’s his letter for this week that I’ll have to think of something that starts with that letter to send? T, I think. T… T… termites. When does the payment come due for the termite contract? Was it $250 or $350 last year? Did I drop those bills in the mail that I meant to? When is that library book due back? I noticed there is a light bulb out in the kitchen. Do we have any more? What’s the name of that movie I wanted to check out? When will I ever have time to watch it? Is that J I hear? Is he okay? Just a cough… good. What did I do with that cookbook I was looking at earlier this evening when the dryer buzzer sounded? I never finished writing out my meal plan and grocery list for dinners this week. What night can I get by the grocery store? What was J’s letter again? T… T… And this can go on for hours, believe it or not. My mind races when I first get into bed. If it’s been a really productive day, I might fall asleep in 20 minutes or so if I’ve freed up a lot of space on my To Do list. However, some nights I feel like the endless, mind-numbing thoughts will go on for eternity and I’ll never get any sleep.

So, what am I doing about this? Well, not as much as I should, I’m sure. Doug and I have been trying to think of things to make our lives easier. Little things. Seemingly insignificant things that might only save us 10 seconds on the average day. However, one day out of 100 that one thing might save us 20 minutes. Take this morning, for instance. We get all the way to J’s school and realize we have forgotten his daily behavior report folder where the teacher records her comments for the day on his behavior. Also in the bag were his napmat sheet, pillow case, and blanket. Now, I am completely fine with him doing without the linens for naptime. I never had all of that stuff for my plastic napmat in kindergarten and I turned out… okay. However, we have to have that folder there everyday. So, Doug drops me off with the little one and heads back to the house to get it. This meant an extra 20 minutes of hassle this morning. So, simple way to avoid this ever happening again? We always look at his folder as soon as we pick him up in the afternoon. We can simply look at it, take out any notes and artwork contained therein, and leave the folder in the basket for the next day. That folder will never go home with us again. Most days that will only save us 5 or 10 seconds to grab that folder but once in a while, it might save us 20 minutes and, much more importantly, it is one less thing to worry about. And, when there are hundreds of those things filling my mind every day, one less is always a good thing.

Is it a priority?

2007-11-16T18:12:00.000-06:00

My husband is constantly telling me I give him all instructions and information with the same high priority level. He contends that if I want him to really listen and remember, I need to prioritize my rantings. Perhaps he is right.

Just to back up a bit, I have a very high-stress, high-energy personality. I believe if you are going to do something, you might as well do it right or don’t do it at all. I don’t believe in half-assing anything. However, with that said, I recognize the downside to this personality trait: I expect the same thing from others. I expect it from everyone, would be more accurate.

Doug is, in almost every way possible, my opposite. We embody the term “opposites attract.” One of Doug’s favorite sayings is “let the rough end drag” which simply means do your best and drag the rest of the baggage behind and don't worry at all about it. Another of his favorites is “sometimes good enough is good enough.” I really have a hard time living with this. But, I am getting better at adopting this philosophy as my son gets older and I have less and less time to do things the right way (or what I consider to be the right way). Not everything is Code Blue or Threat Level Red.

So, I’ve begun prefacing certain statements with “I need you to actually listen to this” because he often claims, after the fact, that I never told him something because, according to him, “I can’t be expected to listen to everything you say.” To many that might sound harsh but it is probably true. Here are the facts:

We went many years without communicating properly and learned our lesson from those years. As a result, we talk about just about everything in our lives. Just about.
We commute to and from work together which is a solid hour of togetherness right there. Additionally, we have lunch together at work almost every day – another hour. We typically eat dinner together along with J so that adds another 30 minutes though this 30 minutes is frequently interrupted with utterings such as “Don’t eat ketchup with your fingers,” “You have to eat something other than ketchup,” and “Ketchup really isn’t a vegetable or a fruit.”
Doug is my best friend. When all is said and done, we know the other will be there in good times and bad. Who else would help me get through child birth when there was not another soul in the delivery room and the baby was pushing his way out at that moment. And who else would set her clock for every hour on the hour to change bloody bandages from his nasal surgery. We are stuck with each other no matter what so we might as well make the best of it.
My first high school band director dubbed me The Mouth of the South. I do like to talk and I do so frequently. While I generally am not one who talks to hear myself talking, I realize that sometimes Doug is “listening” to be nice without hearing a word I am saying. Conversely, he is always shocked when I remember a piece of information he shared with me about wrestling or a video game or comic books that he knows I have little or no interest in. "Yes, babe, I was really listening."

So, I’ve learned to adapt and communicate better. I make him look me in the eye after I’ve said, “Hey! Listen to this. This is a priority.” He knows to not dare forget these words of wisdom I am imparting after that exclamation. What is marriage if not a compromise and a finding of balance between two totally different people?

Things I Want to Teach My Son

2007-11-15T16:35:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about the life lessons I want my son to learn. Things I want to teach him before it is too late. Things I want him to remember long after I am gone. I sat down with the intention to write 100 Life Lessons, figuring I'd be doing good to come up with 50. When I stopped writing, I had a whopping one hundred thirty. And that was just from one sitting. I'm sure if I stopped to really give this some time-intensive thought, I would have more. Anyway, without further ado, here are the things I think are important to pass on to my child.

1. You can do or be anything you want but you have to make it happen yourself. While people may help you or hinder you from time to time, what you make of your life is your own responsibility.

2. You can only be as happy as you allow yourself to be. The same goes for misery.

3. Set goals. Have vision.

4. Whining will get you no where.

5. Honesty is the best policy but sometimes you need to know when to shut up.

6. Not everyone values honesty.

7. Money can’t buy happiness but it can alleviate misery. Share the wealth.

8. In all things that are worthy, persevere.

9. Learn to cook at least three dishes really well. Learn to cook your favorite food.

10. Be nice to restaurant servers. Their jobs are not easy and they control the food you are going to eat.

11. Life isn’t fair. Make the most of it.

12. Sarcasm is encouraged.

13. Gratitude is required.

14. Be thankful for your tragedies, they teach you more than anything else ever could.

15. Your life will not turn out how you planned.

16. This is a good thing.

17. Be careful what you ask for in case you get it.

18. A great friend is someone you can do anything or nothing with and have a good time.

19. Even good friends will hurt you from time to time. You should forgive them this fault as long as it doesn’t become a habit. Sometimes you should neither forgive nor forget but should just move on.

20. Not all friendships are worth saving. Recognize the ones that aren’t.

21. Not all friends will be there for you in the bad times. There are different kinds of friendships. Accept all of them for what they are.

22. To have friends you have to be a friend. Cliché but true.

23. You don’t always have to keep score. Sometimes the fun is in participating.

24. Money is a lousy way of keeping score.

25. You control your emotions or they control you.

26. It is okay to be angry or sad or hurt or happy or glad or excited.

27. It’s okay to cry.

28. Vote.

29. Travel as much as possible.

30. Over time, passion and novelty fade. Be sure there is something else behind every relationship.

31. Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. It doesn’t make one completely right and one completely wrong.

32. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, however uninformed, it doesn’t make everyone right. Research, intuition, and consideration must always come into play when making a judgment.

33. Trust but verify.

34. Not everyone can or should be trusted.

35. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. You can never get something for nothing.

36. Sometimes it is good to be different and unique. Sometimes it isn’t.

37. Don’t wallow in misery. It will get you nowhere.

38. You always have choices.

39. Sometimes the most ordinary moments are the ones you will remember best.

40. Accept that you can not change other people.

41. Nerds, dorks, and geeks rule the world. Never forget this.

42. Figure out who you want to be then go out and be that person every day.

43. Confidence is power.

44. Few people can resist a man on a mission.

45. Learn something new every day – no matter how small.

46. Don’t be selfish with your knowledge.

47. You have about three seconds to make a good first impression.

48. Learn to say no with conviction and yes with enthusiasm.

49. Be consistent.

50. Don’t try to impress. It is a lot of work and rarely successful.

51. You can’t please everyone all of the time. Sometimes you can’t please them at all.

52. Things usually take longer than you expected.

53. Never regret. It only brews resentment. Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on.

54. Resentment will only destroy you. Confront whatever or whoever it is you resent and move on.

55. Try new things. You won’t like all of them and that’s okay.

56. Find a job or career you love. If you don’t find it right away, keep looking.

57. Don’t worry about what others think of you because they rarely do.

58. Agree to disagree.

59. Don’t save anything for a special occasion. Today is special enough.

60. Always over-prepare. No one will ever fault you for that.

61. Time heals just about everything.

62. Don’t tell everyone you meet your problems.

63. Remember that friends and family are the most important things in life.

64. Your children will get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

65. Envy and hatred are wastes of valuable time.

66. Spend a little. Save a little. Don’t do either to excess. Find a balance.

67. Appreciate the little things people do for you especially when they don’t have to do them.

68. “Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”

69. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

70. "Pleasure is very seldom found where it is sought. Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks." - Samuel Johnson

71. Learn how to swim.

72. Learn how to play at least one song on at least one musical instrument.

73. Learn a foreign language and use it so you don’t lose it.

74. Fear can be a great motivator.

75. A home and a house are not the same thing.

76. It’s important to have an opinion and equally important not to let that opinion be unwavering or to dictate who we are.

77. Wash your hands.

78. Be your own person.

79. Like who you are. If you don’t, figure out why and change it.

80. Don’t let other people change you.

81. Be happy. If you aren’t, figure out why and change it.

82. When you most want to talk… listen instead.

83. To truly see something extraordinary, view something ordinary through the eyes of a child.

84. Laugh a little each and every day.

85. Never underestimate your influence in someone’s life.

86. Never over-estimate it either.

87. When something seems too hard or insurmountable, break it down into smaller pieces and just get those done one at a time.

88. Think about the long term.

89. Do not procrastinate. There is no benefit in this.

90. Occasionally indulge your vices but never let them rule your life.

91. Have fun.

92. Be curious.

93. Allow yourself some willing suspension of disbelief from time to time.

94. Use sunscreen. Lots of it. All of the time.

95. Take care of your teeth.

96. Never try to be cute. It generally comes off as just annoying.

97. You are never lost if you have a map. Learn how to read one.

98. Job titles mean nothing. Better to be respected for the job you perform and the diligence with which you do so.

99. Find at least one piece of art and one song you can truly appreciate.

100. Ask questions.

101. If you don’t understand, ask more questions.

102. If you still don’t understand, find another source.

103. Respect your elders. Learn from them.

104. Learn to laugh at yourself regardless of what the joke might be.

105. Don’t buy into the lie that beauty is on the inside and outer beauty doesn’t matter. Everyone will judge you at one time or another. You just have to decide how their judgment will affect the way you live your life.

106. Never be passive-aggressive. It gets you no where and will annoy most everyone.

107. Perception is everything.

108. Develop a thick skin. You can’t survive the world without it.

109. Everything might happen for a reason but you won’t always know what it is. Sometimes you just have to stop looking for a reason and move on.

110. Never be afraid to change your opinion when new evidence is presented. To hold on to that old idea when confronted with a new reality is ignorant.

111. Rules are made to be broken. Sometimes.

112. Never assume you know the reasons behind someone’s actions or words or that you know what is going on in someone else’s life.

113. Learn the skills to be great in a job interview.

114. Own at least one thing in which you look and feel great.

115. You don’t have to be the best at everything you try. Sometimes the point is just to try.

116. Know your options.

117. You haven’t lived if you’ve never failed.

118. Pick your battles.

119. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Don’t do drugs. Life is short enough without willfully and intentionally making it shorter.

120. Never say “I love you” if you don’t mean it.

121. Spend time with the people you love. They won’t be around forever.

122. Take pictures. One day your memory will fade.

123. If you have to question if you should be in a relationship, you probably shouldn’t.

124. Marriage is work. Really, if it were easy, would it be worth anything?

125. You don’t have to love your spouse’s faults but you do have to accept them.

126. Marry someone who you can be yourself with at all times. They will see you at your best and your worst.

127. Having a child is the hardest thing you can do to yourself. It is also the most exciting and rewarding.

128. There is nothing in the world as wonderful and awe-inspiring as a child. There is no sound as endearing as your own child’s laughter.

129. Learn from your parents. They are not perfect and that is okay.

130. Call your mom.

Edited to add: As we were eating dinner last night, a discussion with J produced the next life lesson that should be added to this list so I've decided to continually add additional lessons to this list here so I can keep up with them.

131. Sometimes the bad guy wins. Just keep rooting for the good guys.
132. You are going to have bad days sometimes, just try to make the next one a little better.
133. Get plenty of sleep.

Use Good English!

2007-11-09T12:23:00.000-06:00

I hate it when people use figures of speech incorrectly by changing the wording or spelling. My husband is always complaining about people saying "The proof is in the pudding" which is a completely ridiculous thing to say. We've also talked about "I could care less." However, I've run across several more in the last few days reading things on the internet (I'm in a holding pattern at work waiting on my next project to get going). So, here are the offenders I've found as well as a few I've heard in actual conversations in the not-so-distant past.

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
Water over the bridge (perhaps this is why we have to burn it - flooded bridge and all)
Tough road to hoe (especially these days when we pave all of our roads)
Pre-Madonna (clearly the prima donna writing was likely a young thing referring to us old things who remember things pre-Madonna)
For all intensive purposes (these must be dire and critical purposes)
With baited breath (ewwwww)
Mute point (no point at all, I suppose)
A shoe in - such as "he's a shoe in for the position"
Wade in - such as "he wade in on the situation"
Would of, could of, should of instead of would have, could have, should have

One misspelling of the week (at least I hope it was a misspelling) is "An exercise in fertility" which, of course, is a whole different sort of exercise from the futile one he was referencing.

And my favorite misspelling of the week: "Wallah!"

Movie Reviews

2007-11-05T13:25:00.000-06:00

Because I'm caught up on all of my TiVo items that Doug doesn't watch and I need to wait for him for all of the others, I've been watching movies until all hours of the night lately. Here are the ones from the last two weeks or so.

Wendigo - best to start with the worst of the bunch. This is running on IFC right now and immediately caught my eye because it stars Jake Weber who I love in Medium. I didn't love him much in this. He stars as a father who switches from asshole to loving father to wimp once too often for me. The movie was a good idea that was poorly executed. It is the story of a family on vacation for the weekend - a vacation that goes horribly wrong. The son believes it is the Wendigo causing the problems. Is it? By the end I really didn't care. The idea behind the story was good but it was like the writers started off with a clever idea then forgot that idea half way through writing and just decided to try to make a scary movie. It failed.
Two stars - not a complete flop but not one I'd recommend.

Notes on a Scandal - Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett are both really good in this but the story fell a little flat for me. Again, I just wasn't sucked into the story enough to really care about the characters. The premise is good, the performances are really good, the story just never quite got "there" for me though. Three stars - worth watching if you can see it for free.

Mrs. Henderson Presents - A stellar cast (including a very small part for Christopher Guest who I always love seeing) - Mrs. Henderson, recently widowed, decides to buy a run-down theater and have performances running continuously. The war takes its toll and people aren't going to the theater as much anymore until she decides to make the shows nude revues. The government forbids it. She claims it is art. A compromise is struck. A touching story with elements that don't turn out as you had expected at all. A nice surprise and based on true events. Includes a great quote from Dench's character:
I am bored with widowhood. I have to smile at everyone. I never had to smile at everyone before. In India, there were always people to look down upon.
Four stars - thoroughly enjoyable and, for all you men, a movie full of topless women.

The Man Who Wasn't There - Coen Brothers. Film noir. Billy Bob Thornton. What's not to love about that? This is almost a parody of film noir but there really is nothing funny about it. Billy Bob plays a barber who is nondescript and noticed by no one until a series of mishaps and misadventures puts him on everyone's radar. A definite must-see for anyone who digs film noir. Clever film. Nice supporting performances by Frances McDormand and James Gandolfini.
Four stars - nicely shot (definitely a great tribute to noir), good script, great characters.

We love our football in the South

2007-10-22T08:45:00.000-05:00

Saturday morning my son suddenly announces he doesn't want to read books or play with me anymore. He wants to watch a movie. We spent 15 minutes picking out the movie (because it is a very important decision to him). I turned on the TV and heard this sharp intake of breath from J followed by a near-scream, "Oh! Oh! I want to watch football!!" I looked up and realized it was the Alabama game. I said fine and put the movie down. However, I regretted my agreement just a few moments later. He's watched too many games with his grandparents.
He starts yelling, "No! No! No! Get him!" This would be fine except I asked, "Who are you cheering for?"
He said "The guys in white."
"NO!!" I yelled. "Those are the bad guys."
He replied simply, "No, Mommy. Last week we cheered for the guys in white. The guys in red are the bad guys."
It took me at least 15 minutes to convince him that the guys in white last week were Auburn players. The guys in red last week were Arkansas players. This week they are Tennessee and Alabama players and the color alignments for good and evil have shifted. I thought he had finally grasped this when he turned back around and said, "so which ones are Arkansas then?" I started my explanation over until I was satisfied he knew Tennessee was the devil incarnate and he started yelling at the television again.
I now know why women leave men who are obsessed with football. All of the screaming at the television was making me want to throw something at either the television or an innocent three-year-old. He continued to scream and holler until a commercial came on. He stopped cold, turned to me and asked, "Mommy, is that the end of the game?"
"Yes, baby. Yes, it is." I answered, quickly flipping on the DVD player and putting in the movie he wanted.
"Who won?" he asked, believing my lie.
"The good guys," I replied. Thank goodness that turned out to be true later. I have Alabama to thank for making me less of a liar.

Oh, how I LOVE television!

2007-10-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

So it occured to me after listing all the things I am in my previous post that I didn't mention a HUGE one. "Hello, everyone. My name is Sonya and I am a television addict." I don't have any other addictions or vices. I don't smoke. I don't drink often. I don't do drugs. Hell, I rarely even take an aspirin let alone anything stronger. I don't spend money excessively. I'm not generally on the computer outside of work. My scrapbooking is not even an obsession as it is with some women. But, there is one area where I am completely and totally hooked. TELEVISION. I love to watch TV and I love TiVo. Even if I have only ten minutes of down time in an evening, I will watch something I've recorded during that time - knowing I can't even finish it until the next day or week.

My shows I'm currently watching/recording to watch sometime in the near or distant future are:

24
Bionic Woman
Boston Legal
Brothers and Sisters
Crossing Jordan (though this show may have fallen off the network lineup)
CSI: NY
Desperate Housewives
Dirty Sexy Money
ER
Friday Night Lights
Heroes
Inside the Actor's Studio
Kitchen Nightmares
Numbers
Prison Break
Pushing Daisies
The Closer
Top Chef
Viva Laughlin

We also rent on DVD shows we missed or didn't have access to (HBO or Showtime series mostly) and currently are in the middle of or have in our Netflix queue to start soon:

Big Love
Entourage
Oz
Queer as Folk
Six Feet Under
Strangers with Candy
The L Word
The Office (US and BBC versions)
The Shield
The Sopranos
Weeds

I will also watch anything that's on the Food Network if I happen to have the television on without the TiVo. This is rare but has been known to happen if I'm watching something more adult in nature (i.e. any of the shows above) and my three-year-old walks in.

I realize this is too much television for anyone to watch. And this is why we own two TiVo units and one is always completely full. No, the answer to your question is that I do not have time to watch all of these. I've been known to record shows from the TiVo onto videotape to clear out room to record new shows. I then have to watch those crummy tapes later and I don't even care that they are barely viewable. I can't stand to miss a single episode. One saving grace is that I refuse to watch a series if I miss the first episode. This has, on more than one occasion, meant I didn't add a show to my fall schedule simply because I let the premiere slip up on me. Miss the first one - miss them all.

So, what does all this mean? All of this time in front of the idiot box? Many think it is a waste of time. It isn't really as I generally never do just one thing at a time. Television time is also time for folding laundry, going through mail, cleaning off the kitchen counters, polishing the dining room table, dusting, putting away toys, and occasionally ironing when my husband or I have been stupid enough to buy something that isn't wash-and-wear. I'm sure there are horrific repercussions to my addiction but I'll take them any day for those few moments of that willing suspension of disbelief.

Here Comes the Rain Again

2007-10-16T12:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it is appropriate for me that the first entry in my blog is the first semi-cool day we've had in a week (upper 70's in Memphis) and we had a hard rain last night. I love cold weather and rain. Summer, with its heat and humidity, drives me indoors seeking respite from the unbearable conditions. I've always believed I was born in the wrong place. I've always longed to live further north or, my ideal spot, in the coastal north west. While I do like the beach, my ideal beach weather is cool and breezy so you need a jacket on in the evening. I am a wimp when it comes to weather (among many other things).

Anyway, enough about the weather. I decided to start this blog because everyone I know is doing it. I mean, isn't that why most kids do things? While I am most certainly not a kid any more, it is nice to be able to use that excuse every now and again. I'm starting this blog because I need a place to put my thoughts. Because I feel disorganized lately with most aspects of my life. But mostly because I am bored. That isn't to say I have any free time or nothing to do. That is a totally different thing.

So, who am I? I am a mother to a wonderful little boy who fills my life with newfound wonder each and every day while simultaneously wiping me out and making me frazzled. I am a wife to a fantastic and understanding man who makes me both thankful and irritated at times. I am a dedicated employee who believes in hard work and loyalty above all else. I am a woman who occasionally likes to think I still look half as good as I once did while knowing I am glad I'm older and wiser than my younger, more naive, self. I am a daughter who finds it more important each year to spend time with my family because they won't be around forever and that breaks my heart. I am a friend who values close friendships more and more but also find it easier to walk away from friendships that offer no value in my life simply because life is too short. I am a scrapbooker who wants to document the special people and events in my life for generations to come even if I get frustrated because I'm not as creative or artistic as I would like to be. I am an organizer who loves to host parties, to organize closets, to sort CDs and movies in alphabetical order, and to store my scrapbooking paper by color and design. I am a student, not at an institution of higher learning, but a student who tries to learn at least one new thing every day because if you aren't, you are wasting precious time. I love the quote from Sarah Caldwell, an opera company director and conductor, "Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did." Oh - and I am a collector of quotes. I have whole notebooks filled with them. I have them typed to sit on my desk. I love them whether inspirational or silly or profound.

So... who am I? I'm not sure I even know that yet. As my dear little one says, "I'm still growing!"