Saturday morning my son suddenly announces he doesn't want to read books or play with me anymore. He wants to watch a movie. We spent 15 minutes picking out the movie (because it is a very important decision to him). I turned on the TV and heard this sharp intake of breath from J followed by a near-scream, "Oh! Oh! I want to watch football!!" I looked up and realized it was the Alabama game. I said fine and put the movie down. However, I regretted my agreement just a few moments later. He's watched too many games with his grandparents.
He starts yelling, "No! No! No! Get him!" This would be fine except I asked, "Who are you cheering for?"
He said "The guys in white."
"NO!!" I yelled. "Those are the bad guys."
He replied simply, "No, Mommy. Last week we cheered for the guys in white. The guys in red are the bad guys."
It took me at least 15 minutes to convince him that the guys in white last week were Auburn players. The guys in red last week were Arkansas players. This week they are Tennessee and Alabama players and the color alignments for good and evil have shifted. I thought he had finally grasped this when he turned back around and said, "so which ones are Arkansas then?" I started my explanation over until I was satisfied he knew Tennessee was the devil incarnate and he started yelling at the television again.
I now know why women leave men who are obsessed with football. All of the screaming at the television was making me want to throw something at either the television or an innocent three-year-old. He continued to scream and holler until a commercial came on. He stopped cold, turned to me and asked, "Mommy, is that the end of the game?"
"Yes, baby. Yes, it is." I answered, quickly flipping on the DVD player and putting in the movie he wanted.
"Who won?" he asked, believing my lie.
"The good guys," I replied. Thank goodness that turned out to be true later. I have Alabama to thank for making me less of a liar.
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