Things I Want to Do Before I Die

Seven years ago I started a Goals Album - a scrapbook chronicling "The 100 Things I Want to Do Before I Die." As it turns out though, I might end up far more ambitious than just 100 things. When I started my album, I realized there were already lots of things I had already fulfilled on a Lifetime Achievements List. I had already gone to a Mardi Gras Ball (something I had wanted to do since I was a little girl and saw the women at the parades in their ball gowns). I had already visited the White House, seen the inside of the Pentagon, and toured many other historical places in Washington DC, Gettysburg, Jamestown, Williamsburg, Baltimore, etc. I had gone to New York City. I had gone white water rafting, stayed in more than one 4-star hotel, visited England, and many more. There were four things that I opted to put on my list despite already completing them because they were big to me and I'll cover that in a moment.

I think it is so fascinating to see what people put on a Life List like this. When you ask people what their goals are, are they specific or general? I find myself getting much more specific over the years. Seven years ago I listed "visit Germany" but now I find myself adding specific destinations within that country. Additionally, I always am curious how many things people will list. In about 30 minutes I wrote down 44 items for my first list. When I asked Doug for his list, he named about three. That doesn't make one list better than the other - just different and interesting. In my opinion though, everyone needs a list. Below is the entry page I put in my scrapbook to explain why I started this book.

"I sat down to make my list of 100 Things to Do in My Lifetime in the Spring of 2000. When I stopped writing, I had 44 things on my list. The first four items were already accomplished but they were important enough to me that I wanted to include them. The remaining 40 are for me to look forward to. My plan is to add to the list every 5 years (in 2005, 2010, etc.) as I anticipate some of my goals and dreams will change that often as I get older.
Some may be easy to achieve. Others may never be accomplished. However, just putting them into writing makes them more realistic. Now I have a list instead of just thinking "Some day I would like to..." If there are things I never get to do, just wanting to do them still says something about who I am now."

With that intro I listed my first 44 items. In 2005, I added an additional 32 items. I already have 16 items on my list I've started for 2010. At this rate I will far exceed 100 items and that is just fine as well. I decided to list them all here so I can keep up with my ongoing list because I have a tendency to write new ones on tiny slips of paper when I think of them then can't locate those papers later. This way they will all be together. The first list and all lists that follow were never meant to be in any kind of order. Keeping them listed randomly allows me to be equally excited for each and every one completed rather than focusing on how they fall within the list. I will also use this space to keep up with any progress and/or completion dates for different goals. I have listed the completed goals in green.

Original list from 2000:
1. Graduate from college (completed December 17, 1993)
2. Marry my Prince Charming (wedding date August 10, 1996)
3. Take an Alaskan cruise (dream vacation started August 11, 1996 - honeymoon!)
4. Buy a new home (contract signed to start construction on November 19, 1999)
5. Get all of my photos into scrapbooks (completed in August 2002 - I stayed caught up for three days until I started a new roll of film and haven't been caught up again since. The 17 rolls of film in Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon one month later certainly didn't help!)
6. Finish at least 20 scrapbooks (currently have 13 complete and 4 in process)
7. Pay off all bills and buy something fun
8. Lose 25 pounds (now I need to modify this to lose at least 40 pounds but 25 would be a start!)
9. See the Grand Canyon (completed September 2002)
10. Go to a weekend scrapbooking retreat or convention (first one was in May of 2001 and I've been to several since)
11. Have a child (My beautiful little J arrived on April 3, 2004)
12. See another Broadway show (saw my first one while in high school and saw the equivalent of one in London but am always up for another)
13. Adopt a puppy (This one would probably fall off my list now as I've seen the trouble they are for people who like to travel even for a weekend.)
14. Be a Stay at Home Mom (I would love this so much more now than I ever thought possible when I wrote this.)
15. Take Doug to the Smithsonian Museums (Although I've been 4 or 5 times, Doug hasn't been yet and I think that is a tragedy as much as he likes history and museums.)
16. See all 50 US states (29 down, 21 to go! Airports or just driving through don't count - I have to stay the night and/or see at least one "site.")
17. Buy a new car (not "previously owned" - I know this is extremely wasteful and frivolous but just once it would be nice to own a car that has never belonged to anyone else.)
18.Take a photography course
19. Learn to paint
20. See Mt. Rushmore
21. Visit a volcano
22. Ride in a hot air balloon
23. Visit Yellowstone National Park
24. Ride in a helicopter
25. Take a cooking course
26. Watch a sunset from Central Park (I've been to Central Park but would just like to stop the frantic sight-seeing and enjoy the sun setting over the city's impressive skyline.)
27. Have three months' salary in savings
28. Take a vacation with Doug, Mom, Dad, Sam, and Sandra (completed in September 2002 with our trip to Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, and the Grand Canyon and again in May 2007 with J's first trip to Gulf Shores, AL to see the beach)
29. Visit Russia
30. See the Hollywood sign
31. Visit New England in the Fall
32. Celebrate 10 years of marriage (completed August 10, 2006)
33. Spend a whole week at a Bed and Breakfast (Doug and I spent a weekend at one years ago and it whet my appetite for sure.)
34. Ride a train through Europe
35. Smile and laugh more often (Someone asked me, "How will you document this one in a scrapbook." I have no idea but it is a wonderful goal to have each and every day.)
36. Snow ski
37. Visit Ireland
38. Go on another cruise (anywhere!)
39. Visit Vancouver again (Doug and I only had one night in Vancouver on our honeymoon and we really want to see more of it.)
40. Visit Germany (my dream vacation destination)
41. Own a piano
42. Celebrate 25 years of marriage (only 14 more to go!)
43. Celebrate 50 years of marriage (only 39 more to go!)
44. Retire while I am still young and healthy enough to travel and enjoy myself

Items added in 2005:
45. Ride the hills of San Francisco on a streetcar
46. Attend a TV show taping
47. Go white water rafting on a level 4 rapid (the most difficult one I've been on is a 3)
48. Meet someone famous
49. Go sailing (I went once on a little catamaran but neither me nor the other person aboard knew what we were doing and generally just fell off the thing a lot.)
50. Swim with the dolphins
51. Ride in a go cart
52. Go scuba diving or snorkeling
53. Visit a spa for a massage (Completed with Doug in Memphis in the Summer of 2006 and again at the Marriott in Florence, AL in August 2006.)
54. See the lights of Christmas in Manhattan
55. Go horse back riding (I haven't ridden a horse since I was a teenager.)
56. See the Great Pyramid in Giza, Egypt
57. See the Aurora Borealis
58. Ride on the Orient Express
59. Learn to dance
60. Learn to fire a gun (I haven't fired a gun since I was a kid at my grandfather's house.)
61. Learn a martial art
62. Go to Australia
63. Learn to knit (I tried this once already and failed miserably so I'll have to give it another go sometime.)
64. See the Great Wall of China
65. Take the Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg
66. Drive or ride on US 1 - the Pacific Coast Highway - in California
67. Get my kicks on Route 66 (While I've been on parts of Route 66, I would love to drive the length of it from Chicago to Los Angeles/Santa Monica.)
68. Enjoy every moment with J
69. Be serenaded by a Venetian gondolier (Unfortunately the gondolier in the Venetian casino in Las Vegas just didn't satisfy this desire.)
70. Ride a mule to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I traded a ride in a Cessna over the Grand Canyon for this the last time. I won't make that trade off next time.)
71. Gaze upon a magnificent waterfall. (I've seen several waterfalls but none that seem to qualify for this awe-inspiring goal. I guess I'll know the right one when I see it.)
72. Eat a hot dog at Nathan's original Coney Island location
73. Visit Seattle
74. Attend Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues
75. Visit the Art Institute of Chicago (completed September 2006 - our favorite place on our Chicago Anniversary trip)
76. Ride a mechanical bull
77. Stay in a teepee at the Wigwam Village in Cave City, KY

The beginnings of my list for 2010:
78. Shop Munich's Christkindlmarkt
79. See the Neuschwanstein Castle in Füssen
80. Go to Oktoberfest in Munich
81. Eat at Mrs. Wilkes' Boarding House in Savannah, GA
82. Stay at Gravetye Manor in Grinstead
83. Stay at the Kinloch Lodge on the Isle of Skye
84. Kiss the Blarney Stone
85. Drive the Grossglockner Road in Austria
86. Eat a chocolate at Mary Chocolatier in Brussels, Belgium - the premier shop for chocolate in the world
87. Travel the Romantic Road in Bavaria
88. Take Doug to the Sopporo Snow Festival and the Tsukiji Fish Market
89. Stay at Mackinac Island's Grand Hotel
90. See the trail one of my ancestors trekked - The Lewis and Clark Trail
91. Go to Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
92. See the Acropolis in Athens, Greece
93. Visit Santa's Village in Rovaniemi, Lapland, Finland

So, as is obvious, my main goals involve traveling and spending time with my family. A whopping 61 of my 93 goals so far include traveling to a specific destination or traveling somewhere to do something that isn't available where I currently live. It is true that I love to do nothing more than I love to travel. I rarely like to vacation somewhere I've already been because I believe there are just so many other great destinations waiting to be discovered. I can't imagine opting to see the same city over and over when I could see a place I've not yet seen. The exception to this is taking someone else to see a great location. We took J to the beach recently. I am not a huge beach fanatic despite growing up just an hour or so from a beautiful beach but I wanted to be there the first time he laid eyes on that beautiful expanse - water as far as the eye can see and bright, white sand for miles. I want to take Doug places I've been but he hasn't to share those experiences with him. Otherwise, I want to see everything everywhere I possibly can.

As of today - twelve goals completed out of 93. A measly 13%. Surely I can step it up in the next few years. Maybe I can at least complete three more for a total of fifteen before I turn 40. Twenty-five completed before I turn 50? Possible? Sure!

Friendship

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendship lately. What does it mean to be a friend to someone? What do I want from a friend? How can I be a friend? J started a new school recently and has had some trouble getting past the fact that he misses two of his friends from his old school. I have no way to contact those parents to set up play dates and, despite leaving my name, number, and a message explaining why we were changing schools for them, I haven’t received a call. Many mornings on the way to school he tells me, “I miss Griffin and Brody” and I just want to cry. But, at the same time I want J to learn that these things happen. Sometimes life gets in the way of our friendships. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Some are meant to be transient - in his case just to teach him how to be a friend and the importance of friendships. Additionally, he wants the kids at his new school to act like Griffin and Brody and I’ve been trying to explain that all friends are different.

I am constantly astounded at people my age who still have friends they made in elementary school or even middle school. I can’t imagine having anything at all to talk about to someone I once ran around the swing set with beyond any coincidental similar interests. Perhaps this is because I didn’t go to elementary school with the same people I went to kindergarten with due to a family move. I didn’t attend middle school with most of the people I went to elementary school with due to zoning and bussing. In fact, there were only two boys from my first grade class that I also graduated from high school with and we didn’t remain friends during that time – just distant, pass-and-speak-in-the-hall sorts of folks. One was a programmer for a radio station in Montgomery, AL the last I heard (Hey! I studied radio in college – perhaps we’d have tons in common) and one I haven’t seen since the day we graduated and he reminded me of a long-since forgotten tale from the first grade. To stay friends with someone from your childhood is a mystery to me.

As for friends from high school, I have recently become somewhat nostalgic and joined an online group that allows you to connect with other people from your high school if they are members also. I have talked to a friend of my old high school boyfriend’s, two girls I was friends with in middle school, and a guy I was good friends with in high school. Except for the guy I was friends with in high school, I have very little in common with the others and our exchanges were just a “where are you now” sort of communication.

With all that said, I have a group of friends I’ve known since college with some additions to that group who have joined up via other members over the years. These are the people I found a common link with at some point. Some common interest that holds us together. However, even within this group – a group that met when we were at least on the verge of adulthood and our interests and careers somewhat set – it is sometimes hard to keep the group together. There is too often a notion among friends that every friend needs to be a “Best Friend.” Even my three-year-old is finding that friendship is a tricky deal. You can’t apply the same cookie cutter mentality to every friend. Every friendship in life is unique. This is what I most want to teach J about friendship.

Some friends are meant to be those call-in-the-middle-of-the-night sorts of friends. You usually have these friendships in college. Your parents won’t allow them before that and your spouses won’t allow them after that. These are the people you bare your soul to each and every day. They know your crushes, your loves, your disappointments, your trials. They are your free therapists. They are the reason no one needs a therapist in college.

Some friends are your call-for-a-great-time sorts of friends. These are the people you want to hang out with to laugh, play games, sing karaoke, watch the Iron Bowl, or whatever else suites your fancy. These friends do not want you to call them in the middle of the night. It’s not that they don’t care about you. This just isn’t the sort of friendship you have with them.

Some friends are your tell-it-like-it-is sorts of friends. These are the people you want to take shopping with you to tell you those jeans really do accentuate your fat ass. These are the people you want to run an idea by before you strike out with something you will later regret. Many people don’t like having these types of friends because they don’t want someone to tell it like it is. They want the next type of friends.

Some friends are your tell-you-what-you-want-to-hear sorts of friends. These are the people you turn to when you’ve been wronged and you want to be told you were right in the situation without question. These are the people you tell your ideas to when you just want affirmation and not reality. These are the people who will make you feel good about yourself even if they are just blowing smoke up your ass. Sometimes you will find these are the most detrimental sorts of friends though because they aren’t really your friend at all.

When you find that best friend, it is the person who will bring out the best in you despite being a little bit of all of the types of friends. This person can tell it like it is while making you hear what you need to hear if not always what you want to hear. This person will have fun with you and, on that rare occasion when it is truly necessary, you can call this person in the middle of the night and they won’t care what their spouse says about it. So, what does this mean to a three-year-old who wants to make friends? Just accept people for the type of friend they are able to be to you. Don’t expect people to bend to your whims. Enjoy people for what they can offer you. And, as I told him one evening while scolding him for hitting another child who had a toy he wanted, “if you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend.” Sometimes the sappiest sentiments are still true.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Every year we celebrate a holiday based on giving thanks for our blessings by running around the state of Alabama visiting various parents, grandparents, and relatives. We spend approximately 10 hours in the car over five days. Generally by the time I return home from my 4-day “vacation” I am exhausted and in need of a day off. However, this year I realized that this is really what this holiday is about.

We start off our holiday every year by driving two and a half hours on Wednesday night to arrive at my husband’s aunt’s house where we are greeted by her neighbor’s barking dogs. These dogs will bark all night and we will get no sleep. We can count on this as sure as any “sure bet” at the track. There is that slight chance another horse will win out but not likely. And, as expected, that was the case this time with them giving us a brief reprieve from midnight to 2:45am and another one from 5am until 6am. The reprieve ended, however, when Aunt T got up and started banging around the kitchen for the next hour (because she is deaf and doesn’t realize her actions actually make noise) until I gave up and crawled out of bed at 7am. Happy Thanksgiving!

But it was a Happy Thanksgiving because just as I gathered up my toiletries for my shower to try to wake myself up, my sleepy-eyed little bundle of joy wanders into my room and, at the sight of me, runs over to give me a big hug and says “Good morning, Mommy. I love you.” Joy. So, I move about getting ready, having breakfast, trying to push the fog out of my mind that comes when I’ve had no sleep. We get to my mother-in-law’s house and Doug informs her that we need sleep. Desperately. So we crawl into bed and Doug rolls over and says, “do you realize this is exactly where we were at this same time last year because of those dogs?” And we laugh. Then we fall asleep. Happy Thanksgiving!

We awake to a house filled with all the smells you could dream of for Thanksgiving – turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes… and the list goes on and on. We stumble out of the bedroom and wait, maybe not so patiently, until we can dive into the scrumptious spread. Happy Thanksgiving!

The weekend proceeds with another whole Thanksgiving dinner set out at my grandmother’s house where we meet up with my grandmothers, parents, and cousins. We stuff ourselves yet again and catch up with our relatives that we don’t see nearly often enough. Happy Thanksgiving!

On Saturday I always go shopping with my mom – who has never finished her Christmas shopping by then. Even if we don’t buy much, we always have a good time just hanging out and visiting away from the hustle and bustle at the house. It is a quiet time for just us and possibly Doug and my cousin Peggy. Happy Thanksgiving!

By Saturday night, we have another tradition – Jack’s Hamburgers. We are always so sick of that favorite meal of turkey and dressing by Saturday that we always order Jack’s for dinner. Happy Thanksgiving!

On Sunday, we make the five hour journey home, stopping for another visit and Mexican food on the way home. We arrive home exhausted and dump our suitcases in the bedrooms to be unpacked another day. Sometimes a week later. Happy Thanksgiving!

So, some people wonder why we put ourselves through this “ordeal” year after year. The answer is simple – we love it and it is what we are thankful for! I am thankful that our family is still here for us to visit. I am thankful for the relationships we have within our family when so many people we know don’t get along with members of their family and couldn’t dream of wanting to spend days with them. I am thankful that T’s neighbor does things for her around the house despite his noisy and annoying dogs. I am thankful for my wonderful, loving, and healthy little boy who sometimes seems to instinctively know when I need a tender moment with him. I am thankful when I can get a little extra sleep as I find myself tired a lot these days – with or without barking dogs to keep me up. I am thankful for my husband who makes me smile and laugh even when I feel beaten. I am thankful that we always have plenty of food and never have to worry from where our next meal is coming. I am thankful my grandmothers are still around to share their stories and their love despite their advancing ages. I am thankful they are still able to remember so many details from their lives. I am thankful my son has had the opportunity to know them and love them. I am thankful for the options I have each and every day even when these are simple things like where I want to eat dinner. I am thankful we have money for small extravagances like eating out and going shopping. I am thankful we are healthy enough to travel to see our families. I am thankful they are healthy enough to have us. I am thankful for my home even when it is messy. It is my sanctuary. My place to rest after such a long weekend. I am thankful. Happy Thanksgiving!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

J frequently says things to me that send me running for my little notebook I keep of first words, funny stories, and endearing quotes. However, my favorite one recently caught me completely off-guard. I have no idea what preceded this thought in his little three-year-old mind but I just loved it.

One evening J was in his playroom watching a movie when he called me in the room. "Mommy, come here!" I went in, not knowing if I would find a crucial Superman versus Mr. Incredible dilemma to be solved or a bloody wound from my less-than-graceful son. Instead he stood up on the sofa and grabbed both of my hands in his sweet little grasp. He looked up at me with a gentle expression and, in the most sincere voice, said "Mommy, I will always remember you because you take care of me."

Now, I'm not sure if I should be concerned (does he think I'm about to die?) or just touched. I had no idea what to say to that other than "That is so sweet. I love you, J." I've said for a long time that J is an 82-year-old man trapped in a three-year-old body. This is just one more thing that proves it is true.

The Lottery

Every morning on our way to work, Doug and I pass two billboards with the current Power Ball available winnings printed on them. We have made many jokes about "our money" despite the fact that we never buy a ticket. We have tallied up how we would spend various amounts. Of course we would pay everything off and put money away and this that and the other practical stuff. The conversation never centers around those obvious things. Instead, we talk about the fun and fanciful side of having that kind of disposable money.

Now, as I've said before, I am cheap. Sometimes too much for my own good. Even with millions of dollars, I suspect I'd still be cheap. It is a sickness. Or a joy. I'm not quite sure which. I do somewhat enjoy the fact that I am very practical. I don't believe in frivolous spending and find the habit quite annoying in others. I believe in putting aside for the future. I believe in saving up for something I really want. I like to instill that idea in my child. If you got everything you wanted right away, what is there to look forward to, after all?

Anyway, I do think about our illusive millions... the ones we never buy a ticket to win. Amazing we never win, I know. But, what would I spend money on that was reckless once all other necessities were taken care of?

1. I'd take my family on a trip. This means my husband, child, parents, and in-laws. We'd go on a fantastic journey to far away places I've never been. I love to travel more than anything else in the world.
2. I'd have little houses, cottages, loft apartments, etc. tucked away everywhere I might want to stay for a weekend now and then. A lake house, a beach house, a Chicago apartment, a Boston townhouse, a villa somewhere, etc. Why rent when you can have a home wherever your heart calls.
3. I'd pamper my friends. I've never been one to have a lot of friends at any given time. I prefer to have a few very close friends. I'd love to host an all-expenses paid, grand and glorious vacation for my Family of Choice - my closest of friends. Additionally, I'd love to be able to send extravagant pick-me-ups or just-thinking-of-you gifts anytime I wanted. A day at a spa. A case of champagne. Things like that.
4. I'd outfit my home with all the comforts and pleasures I could. A recording studio for my hubby. A playroom for my little one. A chef's kitchen for me. Oh, and a personal chef to teach me how to use that fancy kitchen!

I know that these millions will never come my way. "You can't win if you don't play" and all that ad-agency-generated hype and all. However, it is always fun to dream. Especially with the one you love.

I’m a Worrier

If there were a Worriers Anonymous group, I'm sure I could be their leader. I worry. About big things. About little things. I worry that I worry too much. Sometimes I worry that I'm not worrying enough about something. I even worry about why I worry. Some might say I just analyze a situation carefully. However, the lines that should exist between thought and analysis or worry are very fuzzy for me. You might think that I would look like a complete wreck if you saw me walking down the street. That really isn’t true. If you didn’t know me well, you’d likely never guess this little nugget of my personality. You’d likely not know why I look sleepy (because I stayed up half the night worrying about something out of my control or not worth worrying about). Looking on from the outside, I look like everyone else. I go to work everyday where I apply myself diligently. I care for my child. I cook. I clean (though maybe not as much as I should). I pay my bills on time without fail. I keep an organized calendar of all of my family’s comings and goings. However, worry isn’t something you can see.

To the casual observer, my life is neat and orderly and organized. However, what’s going on in my head is never like that. To a normal person, I should have little to worry about. I live in a safe neighborhood in a house I love. I have a good kid who is growing up to be a smart, well-adjusted child. I have a caring husband who would do anything in the world for his family and our safety and happiness. The three of us have our health. All of our parents are still living and healthy and active. However, the insanity in my head goes something like this.

1. What if I can’t pay the bills next month? Now, we’ve each been laid off and unemployed for months in the past. We lived through that just fine. We signed the papers on a house then I opted to take a $10K pay cut and give up my company car to take another job. We did just fine with that. We had a child which added thousands of dollars to our yearly expenses. We aren’t in the poor house yet though we might be living in the same neighborhood. I live with the fear and worry each and every day that this will be the month that I can’t make it work.
2. I worry that something will happen to my husband or my child. There really is no basis for this worry. My husband is one of the healthiest people I know other than sinus and allergy issues. He doesn’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. He doesn’t smoke. He isn’t overweight. He is of average health for someone his age. But I still worry. My son has had some minor health issues – severe food allergies, asthma, mysterious bacterial infections, etc. but nothing life-threatening. But I still worry. Anyone who is a mom knows what I mean on that one though. You’d always rather be sick yourself than to see your child sick. It is heart-crushing.
3. I worry that something important won’t get done. And even something unimportant. I worry about the house not being clean, the laundry not being done, the toys not getting picked up. It’s an insane worry, I know. It still holds a permanent place in my mind.
4. I worry about my extended family – my parents, my in-laws, my grandmothers. How is their health? What if something happened to one of them?
5. I worry about my job. Everyone knows that the environment in most companies now is to slash jobs at every opportunity. Keep expenses low. What if I become expendable despite my best efforts to be a valuable and productive employee? I’ve been laid off before. It’s not like there isn’t precedent for me working 40 hours before Thursday then being let go on Thursday afternoon as I am finishing up an important project. Sometimes it has nothing to do with what you bring to the table but, rather, what you take from it in terms of expenses.
6. I worry about the most ridiculous things late at night when I should be sleeping. Most of my evenings trying to fall asleep go something like this: Did I remember to pack J’s lunch? Was I supposed to send anything to school with him tomorrow – show and tell, or something for a party, or the check for the week? What’s his letter for this week that I’ll have to think of something that starts with that letter to send? T, I think. T… T… termites. When does the payment come due for the termite contract? Was it $250 or $350 last year? Did I drop those bills in the mail that I meant to? When is that library book due back? I noticed there is a light bulb out in the kitchen. Do we have any more? What’s the name of that movie I wanted to check out? When will I ever have time to watch it? Is that J I hear? Is he okay? Just a cough… good. What did I do with that cookbook I was looking at earlier this evening when the dryer buzzer sounded? I never finished writing out my meal plan and grocery list for dinners this week. What night can I get by the grocery store? What was J’s letter again? T… T… And this can go on for hours, believe it or not. My mind races when I first get into bed. If it’s been a really productive day, I might fall asleep in 20 minutes or so if I’ve freed up a lot of space on my To Do list. However, some nights I feel like the endless, mind-numbing thoughts will go on for eternity and I’ll never get any sleep.

So, what am I doing about this? Well, not as much as I should, I’m sure. Doug and I have been trying to think of things to make our lives easier. Little things. Seemingly insignificant things that might only save us 10 seconds on the average day. However, one day out of 100 that one thing might save us 20 minutes. Take this morning, for instance. We get all the way to J’s school and realize we have forgotten his daily behavior report folder where the teacher records her comments for the day on his behavior. Also in the bag were his napmat sheet, pillow case, and blanket. Now, I am completely fine with him doing without the linens for naptime. I never had all of that stuff for my plastic napmat in kindergarten and I turned out… okay. However, we have to have that folder there everyday. So, Doug drops me off with the little one and heads back to the house to get it. This meant an extra 20 minutes of hassle this morning. So, simple way to avoid this ever happening again? We always look at his folder as soon as we pick him up in the afternoon. We can simply look at it, take out any notes and artwork contained therein, and leave the folder in the basket for the next day. That folder will never go home with us again. Most days that will only save us 5 or 10 seconds to grab that folder but once in a while, it might save us 20 minutes and, much more importantly, it is one less thing to worry about. And, when there are hundreds of those things filling my mind every day, one less is always a good thing.

Is it a priority?

My husband is constantly telling me I give him all instructions and information with the same high priority level. He contends that if I want him to really listen and remember, I need to prioritize my rantings. Perhaps he is right.

Just to back up a bit, I have a very high-stress, high-energy personality. I believe if you are going to do something, you might as well do it right or don’t do it at all. I don’t believe in half-assing anything. However, with that said, I recognize the downside to this personality trait: I expect the same thing from others. I expect it from everyone, would be more accurate.

Doug is, in almost every way possible, my opposite. We embody the term “opposites attract.” One of Doug’s favorite sayings is “let the rough end drag” which simply means do your best and drag the rest of the baggage behind and don't worry at all about it. Another of his favorites is “sometimes good enough is good enough.” I really have a hard time living with this. But, I am getting better at adopting this philosophy as my son gets older and I have less and less time to do things the right way (or what I consider to be the right way). Not everything is Code Blue or Threat Level Red.

So, I’ve begun prefacing certain statements with “I need you to actually listen to this” because he often claims, after the fact, that I never told him something because, according to him, “I can’t be expected to listen to everything you say.” To many that might sound harsh but it is probably true. Here are the facts:

1. We went many years without communicating properly and learned our lesson from those years. As a result, we talk about just about everything in our lives. Just about.
2. We commute to and from work together which is a solid hour of togetherness right there. Additionally, we have lunch together at work almost every day – another hour. We typically eat dinner together along with J so that adds another 30 minutes though this 30 minutes is frequently interrupted with utterings such as “Don’t eat ketchup with your fingers,” “You have to eat something other than ketchup,” and “Ketchup really isn’t a vegetable or a fruit.”
3. Doug is my best friend. When all is said and done, we know the other will be there in good times and bad. Who else would help me get through child birth when there was not another soul in the delivery room and the baby was pushing his way out at that moment. And who else would set her clock for every hour on the hour to change bloody bandages from his nasal surgery. We are stuck with each other no matter what so we might as well make the best of it.
4. My first high school band director dubbed me The Mouth of the South. I do like to talk and I do so frequently. While I generally am not one who talks to hear myself talking, I realize that sometimes Doug is “listening” to be nice without hearing a word I am saying. Conversely, he is always shocked when I remember a piece of information he shared with me about wrestling or a video game or comic books that he knows I have little or no interest in. "Yes, babe, I was really listening."

So, I’ve learned to adapt and communicate better. I make him look me in the eye after I’ve said, “Hey! Listen to this. This is a priority.” He knows to not dare forget these words of wisdom I am imparting after that exclamation. What is marriage if not a compromise and a finding of balance between two totally different people?

Things I Want to Teach My Son

I've been thinking a lot about the life lessons I want my son to learn. Things I want to teach him before it is too late. Things I want him to remember long after I am gone. I sat down with the intention to write 100 Life Lessons, figuring I'd be doing good to come up with 50. When I stopped writing, I had a whopping one hundred thirty. And that was just from one sitting. I'm sure if I stopped to really give this some time-intensive thought, I would have more. Anyway, without further ado, here are the things I think are important to pass on to my child.

1. You can do or be anything you want but you have to make it happen yourself. While people may help you or hinder you from time to time, what you make of your life is your own responsibility.

2. You can only be as happy as you allow yourself to be. The same goes for misery.

3. Set goals. Have vision.

4. Whining will get you no where.

5. Honesty is the best policy but sometimes you need to know when to shut up.

6. Not everyone values honesty.

7. Money can’t buy happiness but it can alleviate misery. Share the wealth.

8. In all things that are worthy, persevere.

9. Learn to cook at least three dishes really well. Learn to cook your favorite food.

10. Be nice to restaurant servers. Their jobs are not easy and they control the food you are going to eat.

11. Life isn’t fair. Make the most of it.

12. Sarcasm is encouraged.

13. Gratitude is required.

14. Be thankful for your tragedies, they teach you more than anything else ever could.

15. Your life will not turn out how you planned.

16. This is a good thing.

17. Be careful what you ask for in case you get it.

18. A great friend is someone you can do anything or nothing with and have a good time.

19. Even good friends will hurt you from time to time. You should forgive them this fault as long as it doesn’t become a habit. Sometimes you should neither forgive nor forget but should just move on.

20. Not all friendships are worth saving. Recognize the ones that aren’t.

21. Not all friends will be there for you in the bad times. There are different kinds of friendships. Accept all of them for what they are.

22. To have friends you have to be a friend. Cliché but true.

23. You don’t always have to keep score. Sometimes the fun is in participating.

24. Money is a lousy way of keeping score.

25. You control your emotions or they control you.

26. It is okay to be angry or sad or hurt or happy or glad or excited.

27. It’s okay to cry.

28. Vote.

29. Travel as much as possible.

30. Over time, passion and novelty fade. Be sure there is something else behind every relationship.

31. Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. It doesn’t make one completely right and one completely wrong.

32. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, however uninformed, it doesn’t make everyone right. Research, intuition, and consideration must always come into play when making a judgment.

33. Trust but verify.

34. Not everyone can or should be trusted.

35. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. You can never get something for nothing.

36. Sometimes it is good to be different and unique. Sometimes it isn’t.

37. Don’t wallow in misery. It will get you nowhere.

38. You always have choices.

39. Sometimes the most ordinary moments are the ones you will remember best.

40. Accept that you can not change other people.

41. Nerds, dorks, and geeks rule the world. Never forget this.

42. Figure out who you want to be then go out and be that person every day.

43. Confidence is power.

44. Few people can resist a man on a mission.

45. Learn something new every day – no matter how small.

46. Don’t be selfish with your knowledge.

47. You have about three seconds to make a good first impression.

48. Learn to say no with conviction and yes with enthusiasm.

49. Be consistent.

50. Don’t try to impress. It is a lot of work and rarely successful.

51. You can’t please everyone all of the time. Sometimes you can’t please them at all.

52. Things usually take longer than you expected.

53. Never regret. It only brews resentment. Instead, learn from your mistakes and move on.

54. Resentment will only destroy you. Confront whatever or whoever it is you resent and move on.

55. Try new things. You won’t like all of them and that’s okay.

56. Find a job or career you love. If you don’t find it right away, keep looking.

57. Don’t worry about what others think of you because they rarely do.

58. Agree to disagree.

59. Don’t save anything for a special occasion. Today is special enough.

60. Always over-prepare. No one will ever fault you for that.

61. Time heals just about everything.

62. Don’t tell everyone you meet your problems.

63. Remember that friends and family are the most important things in life.

64. Your children will get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

65. Envy and hatred are wastes of valuable time.

66. Spend a little. Save a little. Don’t do either to excess. Find a balance.

67. Appreciate the little things people do for you especially when they don’t have to do them.

68. “Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”

69. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

70. "Pleasure is very seldom found where it is sought. Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks." - Samuel Johnson

71. Learn how to swim.

72. Learn how to play at least one song on at least one musical instrument.

73. Learn a foreign language and use it so you don’t lose it.

74. Fear can be a great motivator.

75. A home and a house are not the same thing.

76. It’s important to have an opinion and equally important not to let that opinion be unwavering or to dictate who we are.

77. Wash your hands.

78. Be your own person.

79. Like who you are. If you don’t, figure out why and change it.

80. Don’t let other people change you.

81. Be happy. If you aren’t, figure out why and change it.

82. When you most want to talk… listen instead.

83. To truly see something extraordinary, view something ordinary through the eyes of a child.

84. Laugh a little each and every day.

85. Never underestimate your influence in someone’s life.

86. Never over-estimate it either.

87. When something seems too hard or insurmountable, break it down into smaller pieces and just get those done one at a time.

88. Think about the long term.

89. Do not procrastinate. There is no benefit in this.

90. Occasionally indulge your vices but never let them rule your life.

91. Have fun.

92. Be curious.

93. Allow yourself some willing suspension of disbelief from time to time.

94. Use sunscreen. Lots of it. All of the time.

95. Take care of your teeth.

96. Never try to be cute. It generally comes off as just annoying.

97. You are never lost if you have a map. Learn how to read one.

98. Job titles mean nothing. Better to be respected for the job you perform and the diligence with which you do so.

99. Find at least one piece of art and one song you can truly appreciate.

100. Ask questions.

101. If you don’t understand, ask more questions.

102. If you still don’t understand, find another source.

103. Respect your elders. Learn from them.

104. Learn to laugh at yourself regardless of what the joke might be.

105. Don’t buy into the lie that beauty is on the inside and outer beauty doesn’t matter. Everyone will judge you at one time or another. You just have to decide how their judgment will affect the way you live your life.

106. Never be passive-aggressive. It gets you no where and will annoy most everyone.

107. Perception is everything.

108. Develop a thick skin. You can’t survive the world without it.

109. Everything might happen for a reason but you won’t always know what it is. Sometimes you just have to stop looking for a reason and move on.

110. Never be afraid to change your opinion when new evidence is presented. To hold on to that old idea when confronted with a new reality is ignorant.

111. Rules are made to be broken. Sometimes.

112. Never assume you know the reasons behind someone’s actions or words or that you know what is going on in someone else’s life.

113. Learn the skills to be great in a job interview.

114. Own at least one thing in which you look and feel great.

115. You don’t have to be the best at everything you try. Sometimes the point is just to try.

116. Know your options.

117. You haven’t lived if you’ve never failed.

118. Pick your battles.

119. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Don’t do drugs. Life is short enough without willfully and intentionally making it shorter.

120. Never say “I love you” if you don’t mean it.

121. Spend time with the people you love. They won’t be around forever.

122. Take pictures. One day your memory will fade.

123. If you have to question if you should be in a relationship, you probably shouldn’t.

124. Marriage is work. Really, if it were easy, would it be worth anything?

125. You don’t have to love your spouse’s faults but you do have to accept them.

126. Marry someone who you can be yourself with at all times. They will see you at your best and your worst.

127. Having a child is the hardest thing you can do to yourself. It is also the most exciting and rewarding.

128. There is nothing in the world as wonderful and awe-inspiring as a child. There is no sound as endearing as your own child’s laughter.

129. Learn from your parents. They are not perfect and that is okay.

130. Call your mom.

Edited to add: As we were eating dinner last night, a discussion with J produced the next life lesson that should be added to this list so I've decided to continually add additional lessons to this list here so I can keep up with them.

131. Sometimes the bad guy wins. Just keep rooting for the good guys.
132. You are going to have bad days sometimes, just try to make the next one a little better.
133. Get plenty of sleep.

Use Good English!

I hate it when people use figures of speech incorrectly by changing the wording or spelling. My husband is always complaining about people saying "The proof is in the pudding" which is a completely ridiculous thing to say. We've also talked about "I could care less." However, I've run across several more in the last few days reading things on the internet (I'm in a holding pattern at work waiting on my next project to get going). So, here are the offenders I've found as well as a few I've heard in actual conversations in the not-so-distant past.

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
Water over the bridge (perhaps this is why we have to burn it - flooded bridge and all)
Tough road to hoe (especially these days when we pave all of our roads)
Pre-Madonna (clearly the prima donna writing was likely a young thing referring to us old things who remember things pre-Madonna)
For all intensive purposes (these must be dire and critical purposes)
With baited breath (ewwwww)
Mute point (no point at all, I suppose)
A shoe in - such as "he's a shoe in for the position"
Wade in - such as "he wade in on the situation"
Would of, could of, should of instead of would have, could have, should have

One misspelling of the week (at least I hope it was a misspelling) is "An exercise in fertility" which, of course, is a whole different sort of exercise from the futile one he was referencing.

And my favorite misspelling of the week: "Wallah!"

Movie Reviews

Because I'm caught up on all of my TiVo items that Doug doesn't watch and I need to wait for him for all of the others, I've been watching movies until all hours of the night lately. Here are the ones from the last two weeks or so.

Wendigo - best to start with the worst of the bunch. This is running on IFC right now and immediately caught my eye because it stars Jake Weber who I love in Medium. I didn't love him much in this. He stars as a father who switches from asshole to loving father to wimp once too often for me. The movie was a good idea that was poorly executed. It is the story of a family on vacation for the weekend - a vacation that goes horribly wrong. The son believes it is the Wendigo causing the problems. Is it? By the end I really didn't care. The idea behind the story was good but it was like the writers started off with a clever idea then forgot that idea half way through writing and just decided to try to make a scary movie. It failed.
Two stars - not a complete flop but not one I'd recommend.

Notes on a Scandal - Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett are both really good in this but the story fell a little flat for me. Again, I just wasn't sucked into the story enough to really care about the characters. The premise is good, the performances are really good, the story just never quite got "there" for me though. Three stars - worth watching if you can see it for free.

Mrs. Henderson Presents - A stellar cast (including a very small part for Christopher Guest who I always love seeing) - Mrs. Henderson, recently widowed, decides to buy a run-down theater and have performances running continuously. The war takes its toll and people aren't going to the theater as much anymore until she decides to make the shows nude revues. The government forbids it. She claims it is art. A compromise is struck. A touching story with elements that don't turn out as you had expected at all. A nice surprise and based on true events. Includes a great quote from Dench's character:
I am bored with widowhood. I have to smile at everyone. I never had to smile at everyone before. In India, there were always people to look down upon.
Four stars - thoroughly enjoyable and, for all you men, a movie full of topless women.

The Man Who Wasn't There - Coen Brothers. Film noir. Billy Bob Thornton. What's not to love about that? This is almost a parody of film noir but there really is nothing funny about it. Billy Bob plays a barber who is nondescript and noticed by no one until a series of mishaps and misadventures puts him on everyone's radar. A definite must-see for anyone who digs film noir. Clever film. Nice supporting performances by Frances McDormand and James Gandolfini.
Four stars - nicely shot (definitely a great tribute to noir), good script, great characters.