Things I’ve learned from being a Mom

It’s been a while since I posted here. I’d love to blame the upcoming holidays or the fact that I’ve had a sick child at home. I’d love to say I’ve been terribly busy doing laundry and wrapping gifts to get ready to be out of town. However, while all of those things are true, I’ve generally just been feeling lazy lately. By the time I get everything done in the evenings, I just want to sit on the sofa and stare blankly at the television while doing my Sudoku puzzles and waiting for the laundry dryer buzzer to sound one last time so I can pull those clothes out, fold them, and go to bed. I was home last week with J for two days during the week – a schedule we are not used to and which, despite my best (albeit tired) efforts, threw us off for days to come. Those days did make me realize some things about myself though – things I’ve learned about myself from being a mom:

1. I need to be more organized. So much of the time we are just flying from one thing to the next in the evenings and on the weekends that I don’t even realize how disorganized I have become. I used to pride myself on everything in my tiny apartments having their own space. Now I have more space than ever before and nothing is where it should be.
2. Sometimes good enough is good enough. I don’t always have to be a perfectionist. In my efforts to get more organized, I have found this to be most true. While trying to balance work and spending as much quality time with J as possible, some things just have to be half-done. And that is okay.
3. I am my worst critic. No matter how much I try to do, it is never enough. At least that is how I feel most of the time. If I cook dinner five nights a week, I feel bad that I didn’t cook the other two or that I made Doug eat leftovers. If I clean up one room of the house then I should have stayed up later to clean just one more room.
4. There is nothing more angelic than a sleepy boy who wants to nuzzle. J is getting so big now and everything is “all about Daddy” most of the time. He is figuring out his gender role and I am so proud of that fact. However, I do miss that sweet baby breath on my neck where he used to sleep for hours. I miss those gentle coos. There are still two times when I get to enjoy that sweetest moment with my little one though – when he is very tired or sick. He still loves to cuddle and nuzzle just a little with his mommy and I do love it so.
5. I am a good mother. No matter the shortcomings, the mistakes, and even the criticism I mount against myself when he gets into trouble or falters, I am a good mother. I worry about this frequently but, when all is said and done, I know that J will never look back and think that I didn’t spend enough time with him. He’ll never think that I didn’t love him enough or didn’t care for him enough. He’ll never think that I put anything in my life above my family. I know that all of his needs and most of his wants are being satisfied. I know that I am raising him to be conscientious, loving, empathetic, and genuine. I am encouraging his creativity and finding ways to stimulate his intellect. I am seeking out the best educational opportunities I can afford. I try to encourage his independent streak even when it infuriates me. I love him more than I ever thought possible and, despite my failings, I am a good mother to him. This is the role I am most proud of in my entire life.